Agirl'sLife

2006-07-05T00:23:00.000-07:00

yuup. i've decided to change my url address of my bloggie. nopey. i wont publicise my new blog address. so if any of you wants to know, just ask me. in this way, i would know who is reading my blog. clever right. haha. i guess the main reason why i want to change my address is that i dun wish too many people to know my blog, so i'll be more at ease to write whatever i wish to.

thanks for accompanying me for the past one year or so. it hasnt been a smooth journey and most of my entries have been repleted with sadness. well, there are of cuz significant events that really made my days.

may i find real comfort and joy in my new blogging journey.

ciaos!

* photos taken by my kor on his Mount Kinabalu expedition. breathtaking! (:

2006-07-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

i think they are going to return us our gp compre paper tml. oh my! oh my! so fast! hahah. my AQ is a goner. dangs. i dun wish to think abt it now.

a fren of mine told me sometimes when u read back ur past entries, u cant help wondering why in the hell did i write that for. hahah. yeapp. it just happened when i read back my past entries. haha. it seems so silly and ridiculous to me that i took such a long time to forget abt him. hahah. gosh. i was THAT devoted and sentimental.

okay. i better finish up my vectors tutorial and start packing up for tml. it sure seems funny to study again after slacking for the past 3 days or so.

2006-07-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

for the past 2 days, i went running with my mum and sis at punggol park. it was quite ironic cuz i had to drag my feet to the park. but when i started running and got into the mood, i just didnt want to stop. haha. today i broke my own personal record! felt super satisfied with myself. hahah. ((: maybe the idyllic sunset made my run so much more worthwhile. no kidding, my area here has gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. (:

like what jiahui said, it's difficult to write abt ur personal feelings, just like you own diary, on this public blog. but i dun have the time to write diaries and blogging seems to be the only convenient way to pen down my thoughts, even at the expense of divulging or exposing my inner thoughts. im just going to pretend nobody knows abt my blog. hahah.

just now, i open my drawer and spotted this heartshaped metal box. yuup. it was his vday present. gosh. i duno why i still have this heavy nostalgia feeling when i open it up. in it, there were his letter which had a drawing he did. he promised he would draw another one for me but well, it never came true. also, there was a small piece of cloth with a heart sewn on it. i never had the chance to give it to him. And there was a piece of paper which kailuen wrote sth really sweet abt me & him and gave it to me. i never had the heart to throw that away.

there are just too many things in my drawer or boxes that carry memories of him. okay, yeah. i know i should snap out of this and stop thinking of the past. but it's always ummm, nice to reminisce those memories, bad or good.

okay im done with those memories. i shall chuck it one side for now. (:

anyway, i've lost all of the links to u guys' webbies. please let me know if u want me to relink u guys. sorry!

* fate may have swept us away through times but sometimes, fate has a strange way of bringing us both together.

2006-07-02T02:08:00.000-07:00

hey peeps, if any of u have unwanted school uniform that u're dying to get rid of, please sms, call or email me. my fren, Charles, from Volunteer Resource Network is trying to raise funds from the collection of old school uniforms.

The objectives is to raise funds to help to cover the following :

- Operational cost for VRN,

- Volunteer’s training and welfare programmes

- Other activities that we helped to organize for the 42 welfare organizations in our list (refer to their website for the full listing), eg. the recent movie outing events involving 330 participants mostly from 3 welfare groups.

http://web.singnet.com.sg/~ccltan/

please kindly support this drive as it is of a good cause and there's no use keeping those school uniforms in ur closet, isnt it? haha.

i better start with all my undone tutorials before the long weekend is over. got so much to be done! anyway, it's best to keep myself busy in order to not let my thoughts wander too much.

good night to you! ((:

2006-06-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago, i had this really scary dream. it was about my closest loved one, my mei.

anyway, this is what the dream was about...

my mei was about to leave for Beijing was some studies, most prob some physiotherapy course. anyway, spore was experiencing some really bad weather and it predicted that an impending hurricane would strike our island really soon. (according to the dream, she would die on the flight to beijing.) but she still decided to go ahead despite the dangers posed.

before she left, i just pulled her towards me and embraced her very tightly, refusing to let go. then we started to cry uncontrollably. the tears just spilled over. i cant seem to forget that particular part of my dream.

the feeling of losing her seemed so surreal. i felt that i was really going to lose her and the thought of it scares the sh*t out of me.

after being so tramautised by this dream, can you imagine what would happen if (touch wood!)one uneventful day, she's taken away from me? i mean having her around me (literally 24/7, 12 months a year) for exactly 18 years, 3 months and 12 days, i've already grown so used to her being around me.

but having her so close to me has its own disadvantages too. it took me a very very long time and lotsa effort to accept someone [she shld know this]. maybe i was just being over-protective of her. just like how she took such a tough time to accept mine in the past.

funny thing is that it is as though our lives have been fused or interlocked from the beginning. we've never been apart for more than 3 days. (due to camps or chalets) haha. even during the 3 days, i will miss her too.

through kindergarden, primary school, seconday school and now, junior college, we've been more than just sisters alone. instead, she has become my friend, friendly competitor, CCA mate, supporter, advisor and even, my bickering partner.

i cant tell you how much i appreciate and cherish her. despite always bickering with her over minuscule issues such as how much money she owes me, hey, i still [*ahem] love her k. [dun cringe!]

well, i cant envisage the life without her. life seems impossible without her. i shld start cherishing her. so i will start it by declaring YOU, yesh, YOU, the love of my life. wahahaha. i'll not love someone more than i love you. [wahh. goosebumps!!!] hahah. (:

2006-06-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

5 more days...

the anxiety for the exams is building up again. it's so overwhelming that i stm find hard to breathe. my heart seems to pumping so quickly and i cant seem to stop it. drats. this anxiety in me bounds to worsen as the exams get nearer.

i duno what i am so fearful of.
maybe it's the banding.
maybe it's the peer pressure.
maybe it's my family expectations.
or maybe it's my own silly pressure im putting hard on myself.

what i know is that this anxiety is waiting silently to consume me. i cant imagine what would become of me when the big As is near. now i can understand why such a significant number of students commit suicide yearly.

dun worry, i wont do such a cowardice and foolish act. BUT PLEASE LET THIS ANXIETY PASS QUICKLY!

2006-06-10T01:53:00.000-07:00

it's 1.48am and i duno what am i doing online for.
hahahah. crazy me~

life is yet again another routine, another cycle that never seems to end.
study, eat, sleep, watch tv, surf net, study, sleep...

as much as i hate what im doing now, i know i've got no other choice. being a not-so-intelligent girl, i've to work doubly doubly hard to get the grades i aim for. 2 more weeks for hard work, 4 days for perservance. and it'll be over.

((:

oyes, im hungry again!!!! hahaha. i've been binging on whatever i have for the past few days. sinful sinful!

oki. enough of my crapping, i better finish up my revision before my sis turns off the lights!

2006-06-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

im not feeling sad or whatever.
but yet, i have this inexplicable feeling that i want to be left alone.

* everything that has a beginning will have an end.

2006-06-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

5 interesting facts of myself...

1) i snort! only when i laugh very hard. worse thing is that it normally happens in public. tsktsk!
2) i love hearing toddlers' cries. =X
3) i sleep almost anywhere - even in the toilet!
4) im extremely addicted to very sentimental songs.
5) i love singing oldies infront of my frens.

hahah. if u know all of the above, u're my close friend! ((:

2006-06-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

the past days have been spent well - studying really hard with some time to relax too!

the trip to sungei buloh nature reserve was rewarding. i just love spending time with my family! ((:

stm i find myself really dumb and stupid. my papa always tell me in that PCK accent "USE YOUR BRAIN, USE YOUR BRAIN". if that seems hurting enough, today he even mentioned, "How come i was his daughter?" , much to my astonishment. luckily, i can take teasing and jokes quite well. hahah. so i just quietly walked away, with just a lil crack in my heart. =X

after nights of self psycho and convincing myself that ... , the sick, dull and empty feeling is gnawing at my heart again.

now, i decide to cast aside my fears and live with repercussions. knowing that i will still have to face the cold hard truth, i've decided to cowardly escape from all that now.

back to my revision for midyears, i seem to be on the right track. hopefully, i wont be distracted and thrown off my mugging mode! ((:

* wo hui hao hao guo.

2006-06-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

weee~

the highlight of this week will be going to sungei buloh nature reserve with my dear family tml! actually im kinda look forward more to sleeping on my pa's cosy cosy car! heez. ((X

cant wait to bask in the warm fuzzy sunlight or admire at the scenic waters of the reserve. just hope the mosquitoes stay FAR from me and the dragonflies too.

hope it doesnt rain tml! ((:

@ METTA charity carnival ((:

* thousand fears. thousand tears.

2006-05-31T21:57:00.000-07:00

prays* i hope my proposal on setting up an interact club in xms does get approved! anyway, i was only give one day's notice to do it, so it was quite slipshod. if only i was given more time. hopefully, no news means good news. =x

i spent the whole afternoon to complete ONE trigo further assessment worksheet. ): i can never ever finish studying for my mid years if this continues. arghhh.

* dun give up, pam!

self-talk really helps. hahahha. so please dun panic if you see me talking and smiling to myself, yeah. (:

tml is finally the start of a new month! *beams. i dun need scrimp n save again. hahahha.

i seem to be in LOVE with all the sad songs. all pf's fault! keep sending me those sentimental sad love songs. but thanks my fren, u've been keeping me very entertained by our conversation and indeed, it cheers me up. of cuz, thanks for letting me bully you too. hahah. (x

study time! study study study! study study study! study! study! study! study!

2006-05-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

ahhhh~

im supposed to be offline by 1030pm. hahahha. but addicted to the computer! (x

i had a crazyy time with dear krystal today. wahahahhaha. long time didnt had such great fun with her le. spend our time chatting on very wu liao stuffs. hahaha. i duno why whenever im with her, i will just go les. i must start distancing myself from her or else one day, i will really become les. heez. ((x rmb another pact of ours, kry. 5 years later, u know what will happen right. hahha. our lil secret.

ru guo yao wo xuan zhe de hua. wo hui xuan zhe hou hui. wo bu yao yi han. yi han shi zai tai tong ku le. jiu xuan hou hui, zi sao hai you hui yi. jiu xuan mei you xing fu de jie ju, you le hui yi, wo jiu hui kai xing le. ying wei hui yi hui yong yuan liu zai wo xing ni. ((:

2006-05-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

tml will be a longgggg day in school.

830am to 10am: chemistry consultation
10am to 12noon: study in library
12noon: eat with krystal
1pm to 3pm: continue studying!
3pm to 5pm: most hated PE remedial. urks!

it's like a normal school day! hahah.

after tat, i feel like going out lehs. dun wish to go home and face my books again! but everybody seems busy. so sorry to jia hui! i really do feel bad abt it. i'll be wishing you all the best for ur concert. jia you! ((: u will do just fine.

maybe i will walk to toa payoh as suggested by pf! hahaha. xP someone pls ask me out! x/

* life's beautiful. u gotta live it, to believe it.

((:

2006-05-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

* this entry is just for this special someone.

i must really thank to person for giving me such an enriching experience and add so many beautiful memories to my life.

the person is..........

*drum rollsssssssss........................

BEST SENIOR! aka TCH!

thanks for passing on ur position to me. i've learnt so much about life, people and myself. ((:

i will work doubly doubly hard and not let u lose face k. hopefully, i will be able to get the treat u promised! heez. (X

best junior here hopes u will find ur true happiness soon. or have u found one and is hiding frm me? must share ur happiness with me mahs. hahahah.

all the best to you in army. ((:

*honoured?

2006-05-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

the ppt presentation was screwed up! i was extremely affected by this cuz i really spent so many late nights and effort on it. when the screen hanged, my worst nightmare seemed to come true. the laptop was spoilt by some hardware problem. at that worst point of my life, i just want to disappear from the face of the earth. so damn embarrassing lar. the Director, Jessie, Amy and Li Ching were all present. after that failed presentation, we carried on with our programme. as we do not have any songs and lyrcis for our sing along session, we had to just have to sing on the spot with no backgrd music at all. it was really a test of our 'thick-skinness'. yupp. so we just sang 'if we can hold on together' despite my cranky, pitchy voice.

but towards the end of the song, i just couldnt contain my tears. i had to leave the room to compose myself. i felt utterly disappointed in everything. being my last project of my term in interact, i really wanted this story to end off with a beautiful note. after drying my tears in the toilet, i wanted to join back the rest.

but my JIE came towards me and comforted me. the dam of tears open and shit, i started crying nonstop. dangs! i didnt want to cry. i just cant pretend nothing happened and laugh it off cuz i wanted so so much things to go smoothly and have reassured my JIE that i will make sure nothing happens to her laptop.

luckily, i pulled myself together and finished the whole farewell way after the assigned end time.

thanks to all the help the j2s have given. hope u guys enjoyed the experience at daybreak scc as much as i did.

now im kinda trapped in between deciding to study Sociology or Engineering in University. i've gotten many feedback and opinions from those who studied either of the courses before. but sadly, i seemed more troubled and lost. im really interested in studying Sociology as im more of a human-orientated person. on the other hand, i will not be able to apply what i've studied in my 2 years on that course. those who are in the Arts stream will then have an upper hand on it.

Engineering will be my next choice cuz that's only the other thing im quite interested in and will be able to apply what i have learnt. but the thing is that i not sure if this will be my cup of tea. i know my parents have high hope and i mean really high ones of me studying Engineering. the reason being i can help out my father in his company or maybe take over his company in the future. the idea to be a boss in a company seems really enticing but i still cant imagine myself studying that field for 3 to 4 years.

ultimately, the question is that does interest takes priority over academic abilities?

what if ur interest is in something that u dont have the capability of doing so?

okay. i admit im very lost now. =/

2006-05-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

woots! tml is a very very short day for us! we end school at 1045am. so shiok! (:

but still got cca at 2pm so it doesnt make much a difference for me lar. haha.

BUT im not complaining as it'll be my last official trip to daybreak! a place i will miss so dearly. i've dedicated much of my time (esp during the jun & dec hols) there and am emotionally attached to that place, despite the fact that the kids there drove me up wall on certain occasions. they are too adorable to be angry for long. heez. (X

they're clever u know. they can trick me into saying some vulgarities. luckily i was not fooled into saying it. hahah.

please never send ur kids to a childcare centre if the future. ur children will be exposed to so much negative influences. they are spoilt by the caregivers, they learnt to be rebellious; they have blatant disrespect for anybody; they behaved like spoilt brats! maybe this is hasty generalisation but i will never put my children in a childcare centre in the future.

hope the farewell goes smoothly! ((:

* if i could be where u are

2006-05-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

woah~

first time im using comp till so late on a sunday night. i had to rush thru a ppt presentation for the daybreak farewell party on wed. hopefully it will turn out as well as expect it too. the director for the FSC is coming too lar. hahah. stressed! :S

today was the BIGGG WALK! i went tog with the 1 couple (koon & wayne), 1 'couple' (mei & ahem!) and 2 other desirables (jeri & kun). hahah. i woke up really really early! it was fun to walk with so many people from all walks of life. we managed to get a balloon! but sadly, we cant find other coloured ones!

it was a long, tiring yet enjoyable walk. i really hope kun will find back his true normal self. ni yi ding xing de! ((:

we're supposed to walk 10km but being lazy & hungry, we stopped at the 6km mark and went to marina sq to yum yum! niceeee fooooodddd! (x

mmm. i must really thank one person for knocking some sense into me and make me realise there isnt point being so depressed all the time. i will be only making myself and the ones around me so miserable. a great fren indeed! ((:

i love this picture! lonely as it seems but with such beautiful scenary, it's a totally different feeling.

2006-05-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

BIG NEWS!

pam has gotten her hard-earned silver for her 2.4km! great job pam! ((:

i must not forget those who encouraged and pushed me on, esp my class 2405! i was touched beyond words when i knew they made a card with all their words of encouragments on it. when i saw mdm ong walking towards kuanyan, my heart skipped a beat. i was so afraid she would tear up the card! hahah.

thanks to miny for the time and effort in doing up the card!
thanks to sophia for pacing me during the run!
thanks to mok mok for coming down to cheer me on during the run!
thanks to arlene for supporting me when i nearly fainted after the run!
thanks to my dearest mei for helping me cheat a few secs! hahah!
thanks to mr piggie for the concern n confidence in me!

to many pple, running a distance of 2.4km is an easy feat. but someone like me who gets severe stitches very easily and breathing difficulties after 2 rounds, it's an achievement by itself. i feel so proud of myself for preserving on despite wanting to give up at the 4th round.

but when i heard my mei, shuwen n arlene cheering so loudly (i could hear from the other end of the track), i knew i cldnt just give in so easily. throughout the run, friends i met along the way were cheering me on. i knew i had to complete the run no matter what, or else i would disappoint everybody else.

and i did it! yays yays! (X

[my parents laughed at me when they knew i was the only girl who had to run! :X]

today's the first time i literally slept in class when mdm ong gave us 5 mins' break. i really slpt very soundly during the 5 mins. hahah. i was really really tired this week. luckily, lessons ended really early for weds and today.

wed: i went to support AJ during the vball finals! the match was really nerve-wracking. my hands turn cold. my knuckles went white. my hands hurt from all the clapping. but it's all worth it as we WON! i really extremely proud for the vballers as they displayed true sportsmanship and team spirit. it's the first time i felt so proud to be an AJCian. ((:

when i read back my entries from the past week or two, i realised i had been so unhappy. ironically, i dun understand why have i been tat unhappy. it wasn't my usual me. i rmb during the jan-mar period, i was super happy. i wasn't bogged down by many xin shi. i felt so carefree and peaceful at heart. it's a kind of happiness i haven't been experiencing for a very long time.

things started to downhill after the march hols. i dun understand why either. i've been trying to find back my cheery self and lead the life i always wanted to.

not tat i dun like the life im leading now. it's just tat i feel i can be happier. or maybe im just too greedy and not satisfied with my life........

i must learn to zi zhu. be happy with i've got at present and not sulked at what i do not have. (:

* memories not meant to be forgotten!

2006-05-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

it's a long long journey.
i will embrace myself and walk it down alone.
my shadow and i...
(:

2006-05-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

im supposed to researching for my GP application but i duno where to start from. Nature VS Nurture. AHHHHHH!

these few days i have been feeling very vexed and stressed up over many issues. of cuz studies top my list! i've just realised that the next 2 weeks will be very tiring. got more tests lined up and this weekend is arldy booked. i still need to find time to study for my next week's tests. when is all this going to stop? study. sleep. study. sleep. study. sleep. a never-ending cycle. i just cant wait for my As to be over!

i dread the arrival of this thurs too! im going to have an anxiety attack soon over the napfa test. althou on the outside i appear to be nonchalent abt it, deep inside me want to get it done over with. )):

the feeling seems so raw and vaguely familiar. my heart aches like how it did one year ago. i want to let you know everything but will things remain the same? i seriously need some counselling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

super fan! arghs!

what's overcoming me? :(

*this is how a heart breaks.

2006-05-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

im SO happy now! hahahha. all becuz of my dear dear frens! really feel so fortunate to have such a great bunch of friends ard me. love them so dearly. ((:

i was actually feeling super down in the afternoon, after failing my NAFTA test yet again. SO SO SAD N DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF! at that point, i already gave up on myself, telling myself i dun wish to care abt this test n im going to fail it all the way till august. even thou i have to come back during the june hols, i alrdy resigned to my fate. dont blame me for not having any confidence in myself as im already sick and tired abt this test! im just not fit at all! i really wish i am!

worse thing is tat im the only one left who failed! how shitty tat can get right???? i feel so so pissed with myself. why am i so useless???? ARGHS!

anyway, im still very glad to have so much support frm my dearest frens. really touched by it. it really helped me to push myself further but the prob lies in me. haiz.

thanks shuwen for accompanying to run but sadly, it rained.
thanks koon n jeri for the card n biscuits.
thanks mei, for all the support n encouragement. really love you!
thanks jiahui for the encouragements too!
thanks huiying for listening to all my woes n frustrations.
thanks to the rest for all the support u gave.

in a way, i've let u all down. but hopefully, i wont stay down for too long. i hope i will be up n fighting again!

playing the piano really allows me to destress. i haven't touch my piano for ages! love playing all those sentimental songs, esp Romeo and Juliet, Marriage D' Amour, Tong Hua & Korean drama songs. ((:

tml will be AJCO concert. haha! im feeling so excited for my MEI! u go girl! JIE will be supporting u always... i admire u for being so committed n passionate to learning a new instrument. i know it isnt easy for you n u went thru really a lot in CO. now it's YOUR time to shine! jie LOVES mei! awwwwww~~~~~ i'll rooting for you all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUSKIES love you too!

i cant cant wait for tml! i cant wait to see MUSKIES! oh no! no mood to do work now. hahahhahah. pls let tml drag a lil longer!

oya. must thank yexiang, weihuang n their frens for supporting my mei too! thanks guys! (if u all happened to read) ((:

my frens, aunties n uncles in my school have been mentioning im fat! ARGHHHS! really really sad lehs. i know my frens may be (crossing my fingers) just joking with me. but the aunties n uncles are really serious abt it. really angry u know. i thought i was arldy thin enough but they think otherwise! hahaha. may be they are old bahs. xP must be the case!

* a tear behind a smile

2006-05-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

my baptised name is Xue Feng! nice? hahah. so pls call me tat nxt time yeah. (:

i envy my mei! she gets to have movie marathons! i also want to!!!!! hahah. do u believe me if i said i only watch ONE miserable movie this year????? so sad lar. :(

i really miss MUSKIES! i want to just to break free from my usual brave self and let those tears flow.

happiness dun come easily to you.
i want to fight for my own.
but where do i start from?

2006-05-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

i made such a BIG mistake! the wish shld have been made the previous night. so i didnt get to make tat special wish. alas! it didnt happened. dun bother asking me what wish is tat cuz it's my hidden secret. xD

anyway last night's CLDDS concert finally came to a close. i rmb getting so hyped up and nervous for jeri n koon. hahah. im not the one performing la. xP i can see they really had a fun time! (((: u girls did a wonderful job! well, we managed to have almost full reunion with the camp guys. the image of them wolfing down the beehoon is damn funny la! * evil me! it's really nice to see of them again. i guess there will not be any camp held in june which means it will be hard to meet up again. oh wells, wish them all the best for their studies! dun get distracted by the blondes! hahah. xP

in the evening, my family went to hougang stadium for a Buddhist ritual called Peace Homage ( san3 bu4 yi1 bai4 ) in which we have to kneel down n pray for every 3 steps. my kor, my mei n i waited for like 2 hours in the queue before our turn! super long! anyway, it was arldy 9pm before we started. initially, i thought it was chicken feet. so for every 3 steps, i made a little wish. so i think i made like abt 20 wishes. hahah! greedy me! anyway, after one quarter of the track, i was already feeling the strain in my knees and was feeling giddy. at that point in time, i figured it's really impossible to even complete one round, nearly felt like giving up. but then, when i realised that people, young and old, are doing exactly the same as i was, i knew i cldnt just give up.

so yupp, despite my wobbly legs and heavy head, i perservered on and completed the ritual! really felt a sense of achievement. hahah!

im really impressed by how children as young as 5 years old can complete TWO rounds. it really takes lots of will power and the heart to do so.

actually, to think abt it, im not exactly a stauch buddhist as i dont adhere to a strict vegetarian meal or completely abstain frm beef, despite being baptised when i was young. i do have a baptised name, Xue something. i will go check it up soon!

when my family was walking towards the stadium, i complained tat my feet hurt as my slippers always caused blisters. my ma then insisted tat i wore hers. i was so touched cuz my slippers were way too small for her. i really felt the love frm her! (:

this led me to relish a piece of memory tat i've long chucked at the back of my mind. i rmb my former class had a xmas celebration at marina south. after eating, we decided to walk all the way back to the mrt which was really really far away. well, my feet started to hurt, so he gentlemanly changed slippers with me. as my slippers were too small for him, he had to walk barefooted! so wei da! hahah.

i decided to post abt this cuz i think im such a person who tends to forget a person's good points and only rmb the bad points. like how i rmbed him arguing with me, him not turning up when we arranged to, him neglecting my feelings. often, i myself had forgotten to notice the good side of him.

frm now on, i must change to always rmb the positive things abt a person and not bother too much abt a person's negative side. this is a learning point for me! (:

pls dun be mistaken tat im still longing for his return. i know we both are still frens and have moved on. (:

i cant wait to be up in a hot-air balloon and witness sun rise frm there! maybe i will do tat for my honeymoon! hahha. one of my random thoughts again! ((:

2006-05-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

im SOOOO happy i scored well for my physics CT. im not here to brag abt it but it really help me regain the confidence in myself. at least all my hard work paid off!!! (:

im going to set alarm at 1 am tonight and make a lil wish 3 seconds after 1.02am. cuz it wld be 01.02.03, 4/5/06. heez call me dumb or crazy. but no harm giving it a try right. hahah. xP hope i can wake up!

all the best to KOON and JERI tml! ni xing de! koon, dun be too nervous, just look into tat person's eyes when u sing yeah. hahah. xP i will always be ur loyal fans! gambatte! (:

2006-05-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

lazy day it has been!

i woke up at 10am cuz my kor barged into the room, switched off the aircon and opened the windows wide open, allowing the glaring sunlight to shine on the sleepyheads. i felt so frustrated cuz i badly need the sleep!!!!

at abt 2 plus, i started to feel the after effects of lack of sleep and dozed off on the bed for a 2 and a half hours of nap. hahaha! felt so guilty! i supposed to go for a run and attend the WP's rally with my pa. but had to skip all that due to the nap. xP

i feel so energetic now! (:

it's a start of a new month. time for me to forget all the unhappiness in the past month and work harder towards my dreams! :D

it will be a long long lonely night....

2006-04-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

wheee~

a long hectic exciting fun-filled tiring week it has been!

monday: i finally get to meet huiying! it was a last min arrangement and im so so happy to meet her. although we're in 2 separate schools, the distance didnt bring us apart. instead it brought us much closer together. (: we had more things to talk about and im glad we can still pour out our woes to one another. i rmb the good old secondary days when we will always find each other and cry together whenever one of us was feeling down. it's sad we cant confide in each other as often as we want too. but the friendship has been going strong and i will not let anything affect it. i love you girl! let's not give up and work hard towards our dreams! (:

tuesday: the sun was really terrible during our morning PE. always so suay cuz the blazing sun wld be there whenever we had morning PE. anyway i nearly fainted again during a game of netball. stars will dancing infront of my eyes and felt breathless. am i that weak???? haizzz. or is the sun playing some dirty tricks on my eyes? i rmb one PE teacher telling me to go for a full body checkup before. but i brushed aside his advice. im quite prepared to see a doctor soon. but... but... pple i love and trust are not supporting me. im in such a dilemma now. ='( [i really hope u wont be upset with me again after reading this (if u ever read this) ... i dun think u understand what's really going on my side... i really need ur support now... and not u going against me too...]

wednesday: sad things aside, we had our first round of exco selection. it feels so nice being in a different seat all together. hahah. i decided to spice things a lil by adding some random (or rather crappy) questions. first one: if you have got one last wish left on this Earth, what will it be? the second: if you have 1 hour left in your life, what will you do with it? i was really impressed by one girl who answered the first question promptly.

"i wish that my loved ones i left behind will not be sad over my passing."

i was indeed impressed as i wldnt have thought of that.

to answer the 2nd question myself, i will spend it looking back all the photos i have kept in my folder so that i will bring all those memories along with me :D

thursday: ajc annual sports' meet! i had a pretty fun time with all the cheering and crapping around with my class. we did our very own class kallang wave and dominoes. hahah. super high. the highlight was the cheerleading event in which our very own jia hui n clarence took part. cheerleading events never fail to remind me of my sec 1 days in which i was coerced into it. i had no choice! i rmb putting up with all the criticism and humiliation. anyway, im proud of jia hui and clarence. u're arldy winners in our hearts! (:

friday: woots! AJ IDOL! it was better than last year's. the singing, dance and band were of a high standard. i had a smashing time cheering and screaming for the contestants. hahah. (: felt so sorry for 'esctasy' band cuz they thought they had won due to some technical errors but they impressed me for showing such wonderful sportsmanship.

here am i feeling so worn out by this week. luckily this weekend is a long one! ((: time for me to catch up on my sleep again or rather my tutorials. sadly, i've to be up at like 545am tml for the volunteer stint at sentosa tml. hope it will lotsa of fun. pls pray i wont have a sunburnt again. i hate that! i still got that ugly tan on me. hahah.

i guess i haven't been a pretty good mood nowadays. if i have ever irritate or unknowingly snap at any of you guys, pls forgive me yeah. sorry!

* pls dun let this story end with tears.

2006-04-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

friends for life

when two people have shared
as much as you and i have:
whey they've opened up their hearts,
shared their dreams,
thoughts and fears;
when two people know each other well enough
to know if sadness is hiding behind a smile
or if happiness is glowing in their eyes;
when they've shared
so many laughs,
and when each other's pain
at times has triggered tears;
when two people believe in one another
and are always sincere to each other;
when they have trusted
one another with the truth
tat lies within -
then you can be sure
that they're friends for life...
just like you and me.

- Zoe Dellous

i didnt get to play much at the funfair. :( was busy manning to stalls of my class and interact. so happy our class managed to sell all of the popcorn and cheesy hotdogs. i guess the FOC really worked! (: and proud of interact to raise quite a sum for the spore cheshire home and the tsunami thailand victims. i must say the students and teachers are generally quite generous.

um. i think im back on track after a week of extreme dejection. did anybody realise tat???? i guess most ppl didnt. but to those who showed their concern, i really appreciate it. ((: im just dreading the arrival of week 8. arghs.

oinkk. snorts. grunts. munchh. chummp. burps. squionk.

2006-04-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

this is the period of time when i find my life so meaningless. this human race to be top academically is getting really tiring. and i really feel like stoping all together. it is really really demoralising to work your butt off and found out it didnt pay off. the feeling of being lousy of yourself really puts me down. my shi fu tells me to use my brain a little more; just a little more. but i tried!!! such sheer frustration of not doing well enough can really drive a person sheer desperation too.

i have remedials for every subject - maths, chemistry and physics. and im still not doing well enough. teachers, family and friends are giving me SO much pressure. when can all this stop??!! im really sick of not doing well enough. urks!

i seem to be failing in every aspect of my life right now and i really mean it.

please please dun give me anymore prep talk.

on a more happier note, im loving kids by every visit to daybreak! hahah. there's this new p6 kid called alvin and i think he got a crush on me. OH NO! hahah. kids nowadays are maturing too quickly. anyway he kept calling me and wanting to talk to me when he has his own tutor. and when another kid told me he wanted to marry me, i freaked out! LOL. gives me the creeps! hahah. (x

if in the future i found out im unable to have children of my own, i will probably just kill myself. hahhah.

2006-04-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

it's so interesting to note that the world is indeed so small. hahah. i really got a shocked when i knew my sixth sense was true. it was really based on my initution. (x but most imptly, this helped me break my months of communication barrier between him and i. i have finally overcome my fears. :D

anyway this is one hell of a hectic week for me or for all fellow ajcians. monday was both physics CT and maths class test. tml will be our chemistry pre-SPA. thurs wld be my most dreaded maths CT. sat will be our family cum fun fair which we haven't started preparing anything at all. but i cant wait for the weekends!!!

surprisingly with this hectic crazy schedule, i still have the time to go ps with jeri n koon yesterday to eat ajisien. yum yum* thanks to jeri for her treat! (: i really feel the camp in march really brought 3 of us so so much closer together. and i just found out we all have many things in common. when i first met koon, she was facing some problems frm the matters of the heart. subsequently when i met jeri, she was facing the same prob too. i think that may be one of the various reasons we all can click so well together. (x

will someone pls cry together with me...........

2006-04-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

to this particular person i knew frm primary school but never really talked to you before:

i dont know if u still read my blog. but ur entries really strike a chord in my heart. i feel i can connect with what u're going thru now. i was facing the same hatred towards them or maybe not as intense. i just wish i can help you in one way or another as i fully understand the pain and agony of what it is like to be in that situation. but im truly happy for you that you've such supportive friends around you. that's a blessing you should be happy about. (: last friday, at the sports' heats, i looked at you and u gave me this fierce look. i thought u seemed angry with me (thou i duno why) but behind those angry eyes, you looked sad. okay. i duno if i was imagining things. haha. but seriously, i do hope u will be truly happy. (:

a happy facade cant last long.
i appear strong on the outside but deep down, i still need some love - family .
whenever i think of the incidents, it really cuts my heart open.
if drops of water can cut through a stone, then words can scar a heart.
this sentence really makes sense.

but im glad things have changed for the better. (:

2006-04-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

phew~

one long hectic week is finally over! monday and tues seems to pass very quickly. but when all the tutorials are cramped in wednesday, it is when time starts to crawl really slowly. and when thurs arrives, you end up really shagged and yearn for friday's arrival. finally when you notice everybody around you seemed in a daze and eyes half-closed, you know friday is finally HERE! ((:

the past weekend has been an unforgettable one for me. i was literally indulged in pure joy and happiness!

friday- i ponned school the first time! haha. stayed at home dutifully to complete my tutorials. in the night, my family and i went down to the safra club at changi area. the bungalow room was superb! so much nicer than the rest of the chalets i have been to. upon reaching there, my dearest cute 9 year old cousin showed me where i was to sleep that night. i didnt even bring anything for the night as i didnt plan to stay! haha. i didnt want to see her sad so i decided to stay just for her. after a night of sheer joy and laughter, my family went home and i faster grabbed some clothes b4 rushing out of the house. my uncle came to drive me back to the chalet. it was alrdy nearing 1am and when i reached the chalet, i found out my cousin arldy FELL ASLEEP! haha. wad for i stay right?? xP i had problems falling asleep at night; was in deep thoughts of certain issues. i wanted to talk things out to anyone but guess it was just too late in the night.

saturday- i woke up after 4 hours of sleep! my cousin and i started taking crazy weird poses for the camera. haha! had a good laugh! at abt 7am, when my aunt and uncle were out, we started to singing all the oldie songs. crazy us. we went swimming and played arcade in the morning! it was really fun. (: at night, the bbq party was indeed a feast! there were so much food. i ate from 630 to 9pm. think i've put on back the weight i have lost during the camp. at abt 10pm, almost all my relatives went to play bowling. it was my first attempt! and i got a miserable score of 32. haha. so embarrassing! reached home at nearly 1am and knocked out my bed. was so dead tired.

sunday- after chiong-ing all my homewrk, jeri and i went out to meet yexiang, junren, pengfei weihuang to celebrate yexiang's bday. yexiang didnt know we were going and the surprise was really successful! (: jeri had really funny ideas but glad she didnt use them. haha. once again, i had really fun time with them. but most of the time i was talking to jerica and laughing with her. cuz all the guys were talking abt army and their future studies! pang sei us! xP

well last weekend i really played too much. so this weekend i must buck up and start to get serious. must really force myself! i think the naggings are necessary to push me to study. (:

koon, i really do hope u will feel better soon. seeing you like this really makes me sad too. i understand you may not want to tell me wat exactly has happened but i really do care for you. hope u love urself and not make us worry for you yea. (:

2006-03-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

i met with wei huang, ye xiang, peng fei aka pei fen and jun ren yesterday! it was really nice to meet up with them since the camp. (x

jerica and i met up early in the morning at 715am to support the guys at the SAF biathlon at east coast. seems kinda weird to go all the way to support them since we are not even their girlfriends. haha. but anyway, it was really really nice to see all of them again. i duno why but feel some kind of bond between them. i think cuz we can click very well. so proud of them for completing the biathlon. anyway heard that someone died during the race. feel really sad for him.

happy 21st birthday to jun ren! hope his long distance relationship will last as long as it takes. really admire him for patience and determination! (:

love is indeed hard to fathom. it will befall on you when you least expected it. *jus crapping.

im really in a dilemna for this weekend. duno if i shld go for kbox with the guys in celebration of ye xiang's bday on sunday. or go for the free ICE AGE 2 movie on sat evening. BUT i got chalet during the whole weekend! HAIX...

friendship is the bridge between lonely and loved,
between a glance and a gaze.
it stretches from the fog into sunshine,
hopelessness into faith,
between despair and joy.
it crosses the chasm from hell to heaven,
from God to man
and from you to me. (:

2006-03-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

to fall in love is always easy...
to start a relationship is always simple...
to build it, is always tough...
to maintain it, is 'better said than done'...
to break off, is 'easier said than done'...
to remain friends after u broke off, is never possible...
to forget the memories is 'always doing but never succeeding'...
to heal the pain within is hard and tough and never near simple...

but one has to try to heal your own heart
but the heart belongs to u..
if u don't heal it and have a space for someone to walk in,
the heart will always be sealed,
memories will never be forgotten,
the pain will never go,
and u will never move on from where u started.

people take wrong directions all the time.
if not, how do we ever realise our mistakes
and make better choices..
late it might be for your life so far,
but it is never too late for your life ahead..

maybe through wrong directions,
you made the wrong choices.
but does it mean that through the right directions,
you would always make the right choices?
if everything seems like a big trial.
hold on to your faith.
for at least, you had a chance to live a choice.

now, i finally understood what this poem means.
((:

2006-03-24T18:12:00.000-08:00

im SUPER hungry now! didnt eat much in school and im starving now! =( im now eating all the junk food i can find in the house. hahah. my cough hasnt recovered and im munching on the cookies again. xP

stress is building up. got a lot of things going on now. common tests for physics, chem and maths in few weeks' time. i've been really worn out. just trying my best to keep things going. i guess i just draw strength from the friends around me and my dreams.

sometimes i wish i have someone to literally lean on. when im feeling so so tired, i often wish someone would be there to lend me his shoulder; someone for me to pour out my woes. more often than not, i tell ppl being single is the best cuz you won't be tied down by all the commitments and have the freedom to do what you want. but recently, im dreaming how nice if i have someone always beside me, supporting me all the way; someone to dote me, love me; someone for me to care abt; someone for me to cuddle in his arms. of course, it's only a fleeting dream. hahah.

im quite determined to live my life alone, maybe just for now. i cant bring myself to wholeheartedly trust someone anymore or maybe im just afraid to suffer anymore heartaches and tears.

although there are times i really dream and yearn someone who will be with me always, im really satisfied about my life now. i have great friends around me and a loving family to count on. hopefully, this lonely feeling will pass soon.

im going to study real hard this weekend cuz next weekend i will be at a SAFRA club at changi. having a chalet for my cousin's 21st bday. really looking forward to it! ((:

2006-03-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

last night i spent nearly 3 hours on the bed... COUGHING!!!

can u imagine?? time wasted just like that. i cld have studied for all my tests and done all my tutorials lar. so frustrated with myself! but glad someone else was still awake. hahah. thanks my friend. bon voyage! (:

PAM! focus on your studies!!! dun divert your attention on other non impt stuffs! xP

2006-03-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

happy happy ME is back to blog abt the happy happy DAYS!

let me see. must start off by thanking all those who sms me. so sorry didnt reply to all of u guys. thanks to kry. yong han. serkun. weiliang. weikang. weilin. wenhao. yilin. lily. laykoon. warren. shuying. anita. shimin. junfeng. shuwen. charles. kitson. ada. joshua. kelvin. zeqi.

thanks to the muskies for meeting up! love u guys a lot. sorry for leaving so abruptly. actually i was really disappointed and sad but no choice gotta leave or else i think my cough will become worse. but still, thanks for all the gifts. love the wallet; the ear rings; the candies.

thanks to reachoutforthestars for counting down to my bday on msn. really shocked lehs! hahah. it was a pleasant surprise! (:

thanks to my DAD for the sincerity to shop for our gifts; to our MA n KOR for their hong baos.

thanks to my JIE for treating me to my fav JAP food last week and tat lovely hp chain.

thanks to yong han for accompanying me all the way to ps. really nice of u! life is indeed a maze and friends play an impt role in guiding you out of there. u are one of them. and i mean it. (:

thanks to valerie for accompanying me on my bday. sorry for my 'husky' voice. it must been hard to listen to me. hahah. :D the plastic safety pins ear rings are great!

thanks to weiliang and weikang for the doggie. they are in my pa's car now! hahah. nice to know u still rmb us! (:

thanks to my mei for the BAG! i really LOVE it! (: hope u like mine okay. i spend duno how many hours choosing it lehs. xP

thanks to kelvin for making my bday end with a happier note. (: it has been GREAT knowing you! really nice of u to say my husky voice cute yea. hahah. xP

thanks to my aunty for treating us lunch and the shopping spree plus hong bao. wow! really feng fu. hahah.

hope i didnt miss anybody out. i really had fun during this march hols. i must say it's the BEST one in my life! (:

i was indeed shocked to receive his sms. all along i thought we are no longer friends. ever since then, i've trying to convince myself to move on and not live in the past [like how i did for 10 mths] foolish was the word. goodness knows why i threw tat photo away anyway. seems rather cruel of me. *shrugs. but anyway, im still glad he did rmb my bday! (:

HAPPY HAPPY eighteen ME! ((:

2006-03-17T01:57:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to PAM!

happy happy me! (:

got lots to talk abt but will put all tat on hold.

hopefully the new-found friendships will continue on strong! (:

2006-03-16T00:21:00.000-08:00

the last 3 days have been one of my most memorable days of my life. it's really enriching, fun yet tiring. i cant describe the feeling im experiencing now; maybe it's a feeling of maturity...

i was so afraid i cldn't live up to the organisers' expectations cuz i actually fell sick on sunday night. we went for a briefing at pasir ris park in the afternoon and i think i got exposed too much to the sea breeze. as a result, i ended up with a really bad sore throat and fever. but i still went ahead to the camp. hahah.

luckily, i didnt choose not to go cuz i wld have lose out on such a golden opportunity to know such wonderful ppl. there were only 3 girls - koon, jeri n me and the rest were guys. the guys i befriended are really different and special to me cuz their character are very constrasting to those i know of my age. despite being only 21 years old, these ppl have a high level of maturity and leadership skills which make me respect and admire them. i believe army life make them so. haha. oya. they are very intelligent too. all frm HCJC and most got overseas scholarships. *so envious.

i really have to thank jerica and koon for helping and comforting me when i felt so so exasperated with my group. i feel so much closer to u girls now and i honestly believe our friendship has acquire a higher level since this leadership camp.

and i will miss the rest of the guys. all of them really treated us girls very well. they even bought supper for us! edmund even bought lots and lots of medicinal sweets for me ( i think can last for the entire year... haha!)

i will always rmb this guy called zhi rong (the cute guy) who kept making fun of my voice by mimicking the way i speak and calling me old aunty.

thanks to yei xiang for helping me take over all the lectures i supposed to do. he looks like my kor! haha. thou i know he may never see this, but jus want to thank him!

i shant talk abt the rest or else the entry will be too long. haha. im now coughing really badly and for the past 3 days, i lost my voice. hopefully i can recover slightly by tml when i meet the muskies for kbox. how to sing like tat???? hahahah.

anyway, i lost more than 2 kgs from the camp and im as tan as my kor le! x)

i will miss everybody so so much and i will try as hard as possible to rmb everything tat has happened during the camp so tat i wont forget it always. (:

2006-03-10T01:09:00.000-08:00

i have absolutely no idea why
but sometimes
i wish i could jus float away
like those little bubbles in the air
and i wish my problems would jus go POP
and disappear too.
:)

2006-03-10T00:56:00.000-08:00

happiness is really short lived.

as some may know, my ah gong was admitted into hospital last afternoon. i really was very scared, anxious and shocked abt the sudden news. i didnt realise tat he was arldy tat sick. his condition has stabilised but he wont last long. im jus praying hard he won't suffer much. tears sprang to my eyes when i realised tat there was no more hope for him. it's really depressing to know tat we cant do anything to help him. i didnt wan to go to school today n initially thought of staying at the hospital. but my ah gong told me his sickness is of a small prob and told me to go to school. he has alrdy planned for his passing. i cant imagine me myself planning for my own funeral. i really admire my ah gong's courage. (:

im really afraid of death; afraid of growing old; afraid of suffering and pain.

now with all this happening, i not too sure if i shld go ahead with all my plans during the hols. my ma told me to go for the camp as usual. haiix. i still cant make up my mind. jus afraid sth may crop up during my stay there.

i will be strong! (:

2006-03-07T14:40:00.000-08:00

kry! u abandon me! *cries*

haha. hope u had an absolute wonderful time yesterday! xin ku to the muskies le! x) when we were singing the bday song, i teared a little too cuz i felt the surprise was too much a success (and hilarious too!) got so much to say to u, but jus simply i hope u will remember our pact - our yue ding. (:

yesterday, i had the most fun time cuz we gave kry a bday surprise! now i cant wait for mine! wahahah. but honestly, give me a hug will do! =P these few days im always in a happy mood cuz small small little things make me really happy. like how kry, sha, mei n me went out on sat, how my parents treat me n my mei (my dear pa gave us our bday pressie le! =P) n how caring my mum is. and when my best senior! suddenly msged me after the stroke of midnight - showing tat he haven't forgotten me. (: i do not need big big events to make me happy, but a simple small act of love, care n appreciation will do.

the month of march will be even busier. here i am wasting my time effortlessly. haha. (i need to wait for an hour plus for my cca!) im so happy tat the hols is coming soon! tat means my da re zi yao lai le. yays! x) heez.

also, i will be working during the hols too! heez. working as a p5 student leaders' camp instructor. it will held for 3 consecutive days and the instructors get to stay at the pasir ris chalet. i assume there will be lots of hard work n fun time! (: but sadly, the pay is not as lucrative. so i will be so so busy for the coming days.

friday: mum's bday
sat: nus open hse
sun: briefing for the camp
mon - weds: camp
weds: interact games' day
thurs: kbox with muskies!
fri: lunch treat with my aunty!

haha. really packed schedule! but i will definitely make time for myself n my homework! can afford to slack during this period. ((: jus pls dun give too many homework....

2006-03-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRY! xD

2006-02-25T17:21:00.000-08:00

i have been using the comp for almost the entire afternoon! i shld be studying for my chem common test nxt week!!! bad pam!!! hahah. xP. i guess im just sick of burying myself in the books. yeah. so i've given myself some nice break frm those sickening books. xD

i hope u guys like my new blogskin. there're SO many nice ones now. hahah. hope i can stick to this skin for the next month. but i can play only one song! :( can someone help me?...

i read this article some years back and i found out really meaningful and enlightening.

The Hospital Room

2 men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he cld see outside the window. The man on the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world wld be broadened n enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline cld be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room wld close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described as parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he cld see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Then unexpectedly, a sinister thought entered his mind. Why shld the old man alone experience all the pleasures of seeing everything while he himself never got to see everything? It didnt seem fair. At first thought, the man felt ashamed. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood n he found himself unable to sleep. He shld be by that window - that thought, and only that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening frm across the room he never moved, never pushed his own button which wld have brought the nurse running in. In less than 5 mins, the coughing and choking stopped, along with tat the sound of breathing. Now there was only silence - deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take it away. As soon as it seemed appropiate, the other man asked if he cld be moved nxt to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and aft making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. Finally, he wld have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out of the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what cld have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and cldnt even see the wall. She said," Perharps he just wanted to encourage you."

epliogue: .... you can interpret the story in any way you like. but one moral stands out: THERE IS TREMENDOUS HAPPINESS IN MAKING OTHERS HAPPY, DESPITE OUR OWN SITUATIONS. SHARED GRIEF IS HALF THE SORROW, BUT HAPPINESS WHEN SHARED, IS DOUBLED. if you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money cant buy.

i was really inspired by this article. hope u guys can draw some insprirations n encourgements from here. ((:

woah. i typed out the entire article!!! hahah. i better start studying my chem! hope to see my muskies soon. miss them SO much! (x

2006-02-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

woots! i went to NUS last saturday for King Edward 7 hostel open house. the ppl there are so happening! yuup. so i have a goal n tat's to get myself a place in NUS n hopefully save enough money to stay at the hostel. Xp i will most prob study sociology. but i heard frm my a senior tat e course will be v tedious. =// it's altho i v much wan to do business, i think im not cut out for econs. saddd.

im loving daybreak to bits! heeZ. the kids there are getting cuter!!!!!! there's this P1 new boy called han wei n he looks like jay chou. hahah. v naughty but too cute for words. and another boy boy called ahem* forget the name. hahah. but he looks so innocent but v lazy too. jia yang really got a hard time teaching him. hahah. his specs always slid down his nose n i always got this urge to push his specs up but he always SIAM frm me. hmmphs! XD i will take more photos nxt week n show u all how cute they all are. but found out a sad story of one of the kids there. this boy is alrdy 13 years old but still in pri 6 cuz he got some mental development prob. he's only have the EQ n IQ of a p3. and he got many ops cuz of a heart condition and wont be able to live long. luckily it's heartening to see him so cheerful still. (:

Credits: (bushd@albanymo.net) Dan Bush of McFall, Missouri

2006-02-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

life's pretty tiring or exhausting may be a more appropiate word.

v-day was pretty fun! receive lots lots of pressies! heez. thanks to all for the little gifts! x) the atmosphere in school was great with all the love songs - love was in the air! so envious of a girl next class who received such a bigg bouquet of flowerss. hahah. at least i got a few flowers frm my class! xP but vday was really tiring too. we had preNAFTA test - 2.4km run. i knew i cldnt run well tat day cuz even aft 2 rounds i was feeling dizzy le. the sun was SOO scorching! naturally i was really struggling thru the 6 rounds. my chest felt so so tight plus my damn stitches made it so so torturing. but im really glad miny. was there beside me to run with me even thou she cld have ran on. thanks so so much! mr chin, a new PE teacher was so caring too! he kept asking me if i was oki and asked me to see a doctor, regarding my chest probs. really caring of him! yuupp. so i duno if i shud see a doctor abt it. hmms. and i think im allergic to heat or my skin is sensitive to heat cuz everytime i sweat or bathe warm water, my skin has red patches. scary right?? hahah. yeahh. so i think it's time i shld consult a doctor.

school's tiring cuz no matter how hard i study for my test, i jus cant seem to score well n still get sucky results. really so unfair! i really hope to get to NUS to make my family happy cuz my parents want me n my mei to join my kor there. haixx. but it's so stressful! :(

everybdy needs to hav their limits. i hope u have one. (:

2006-02-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

angels in white! (x

pheww! i took so long to upload all this photos. im too lazy to elaborate wad happen for the past few weeks. heez. lazy me. anyways. i had a wonderful time yesterday. heez. i went to my cousin's hse for a nasi lemak party in the evening. first time having such a party. his entire hse was filled with all kinds of spongebob squarepants mechandise. balloons, cakes, party stuffs... yupp. had a good meal over there! later in the night, my family n relatives went over to esplanade to walk walk. we initially wanted to go to chingay de but too late le. ): my cuteest cousin super cute lar. keep making me laugh like hell. she's alrdy 37 kgs thou she's only P3. hahah. really chubbby but super cute. u know wad's her ambition?? CHEF! hahah. she's super addicted to food. in my pa's car, i secretly ask her if she's hungry. and she said no. when i asked if she wans to eat ice-cream, she said yes-yes immediatedly. her eyes sparkled! hahah. and my pa was oso delighted cuz he's one BIG kid too. hahah. so we went to haagen-daaz @ esplanade to hav ice-cream. heezz. we ordered lots of icecream n the one u dip the fruits n icecream into the melted chocolate. super nice! but a sad thing is tat my ah gong was there and he started to eat some too, much to my aunties' aghast. cos' he was not supposed to eat such sweet stuffs. v poor thing cuz my aunties even blocked the icecream n tried to take away his fork. n even said tat nxt time dun bring him out le. so bad right. but bo bian. haix.

aft tat, we even walked to river hongbao! my first time there. hahah. aft walking round, i was super tired and it was alrdy past midnight. but i really had a fun time with all my relatives n family. we'll be planning for my another cousin's 21st birthday! yays! (:

on the other hand, sch life hasnt been really good. duno why these few days everybody not in a good mood. and it makes me dread going to school now. x( cheer up everbdy! SMILES! (:

2006-02-05T18:22:00.000-08:00

1: sweett ` taken @ taka
2: my dearest & cuteeest cousin!

2006-02-05T18:07:00.000-08:00

1: daisyy` for my JIE
2: sharon with her beloved snailey
3: mama & nuer!

4: @ kbox!

2006-01-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

im back to blog le! i was a lil upset today cuz i wanted sooooo much to watch movie but nobdy was free. hmmphhs! i MUST watch one this week or tml or else i'll feel v bu shuang. hahahah. i like v attitude right. i kept grumbling to kry on the bus to hougang mall. so happy cuz she agreed to pei me tml thou she dun like watching movies. heez! thanks so much kry! (:

nxt weds will be our cny celebration at cheshire home. really hope everything will go on smoothly. hope it will be a GREAT success! prays* honestly, i miss daybreak & all the kids there! n i miss li ching (my jie!) & the staff of daybreak! i got any probs can oso find them cuz they got counsellors over there. hahah.

sch has been pretty okie. jus tat im really tired these few days. but cny has been making me really really excited. heez! maybe cuz i haven seen my closest cousin for like a 6 months. really miss them all. and i miss playing badmitton every fri with my family & my relatives! hope to play it soon again. my 8 year old cousin super cute lar. whenever she drops the shuttlecock, she will start giggling at herself. so funny! but she can play pretty well, considering she only started playing a few weeks ago.

my class - 2405 is really getting super HIGH. and i mean really HIGH. hahah. yesterday after PE, the gers stayed behind n cheered on the guys as they were still running round the track. we kept cheering and cheering. i think pple think we were crazy lar. we even cheered all the way to the canteen. hahah. but we really enthu! haha. i looked forward to our reunion dinner on friday! yays!

oya! i met up with huiying last monday. miss her damn much! i miss my MUSKIS. hahah. i know sharon n kry hate this name. hahah! but i find it so interesting. hehs hehs. hope to have a reunion with them too! but huiying cant make it on fri afternoon. x(

i love my life now & hopefully nothing awful crops up b4 chinese new year! ((:

2006-01-14T17:50:00.000-08:00

woots! more than a week haven blog le. school has been really taxing for me. and last week was a really tiring one. we had 3 tests on thurss!!! and ended at 7pm! woah. im so glad it's over.

yesterday hasn't been really pleasant. [ friday the 13th!!!] oh wells. im back to my own self again. im comtemplating if i shud close down my bloggie cuz i really got no time to update it. and most imptly, i cant post wat i actually feel. so it's like pointless to post anything. [:

ireallycantstandheranymore.isbeingsickwrong?doyouthinkipurposelywanttogetsick?idununderstandwhyuseemtohatemetatmuch.beingscoldedornaggedatincessantlyisreallyupsetting
anddisturbing.amianobodytoyou?forsomanymanyyearsiwantedyoutolovemealittlemore.buttillnowitseemslikeourqinqingisworsening. ithurtsmesososomuchtoknowudontcareabtme.itreallydoes.

2006-01-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

i've been reading the entries of the past few months and found out im was tat depressed. haha. all my entries were so so depressing. thank god i've gotten thru tat period. [:

wee!` im having PE tml. tats so nice of the PE department ehs. putting PE on the first day of school. x( and im going to end sch at 4 plus. ahhhhh!!! first day lehs.

tml is the start of the school term and i THINK im looking forward to it. haha. say bye-bye to all the pigging-out-at-home, all the sleeping-till-11am, all the shopping and all the watching-tv-till-nobody's-business. oh my! i will miss all these days...

2005-12-31T07:54:00.000-08:00

happy 2006!

a new year = a new blogskin = a new start

last year i didnt think of any new year resolutions but now i have come up with a list of my own.

- change all my bad habits
- improve my relationship with my kor
- study real real hard for my A's
- try to be more understanding towards her
- cherish my loved ones more

last year was quite a good year bahs. when i think of 2004, tears and heartaches only come to my mind. but when i think of 2005, laughter and happiness replaced all the sadness. although the adjustment to ajc wasnt as smooth as i thought and i had my difficulties adjusting to the new environment, im stilll happy that i've made new friends there, esp the pple in interact and my pw group. hopefully the friendship between them this coming year will be better.

one year has past and i can safely say he's outta of my mind. i got no more feelings for him now. ermms. ever since tat day when we argued, we've not talked anymore. maybe this is better for both of us, to completely cut off all forms of communication. in this way, we can entirely forget abt each other. i know he wont read my blog but still if you ever chanced on this blog, i jus want to tell you, i've moved on and hope u wld be happy for me too. ((:

im looking for a new fresh start of 2006! let's embrace the new year with much hope and happiness! (:

2005-12-24T06:47:00.000-08:00

merry xmas to everyone!!!

guess wad am i busy right now? hahaha. im finding pple to act as a webpage model for a fren who wans to set up a volunteers' network circle. it's gonna be a big organisation if his project takes off. i need to find 6 pple. 3 girls and 3 guys. i've more or less settled the guys for the photoshoot. but kinda hard to find girls lehs. haha. guess girls are generally more shy bahs. thanks to all who helped me ahs. really nice of all of ya. hehs! esp to jia hui! (:

in the afternoon, i went to my grandpa's hse to clean up. it has been months since i last visited him. so im glad i finally met him. his leg was really swollen and bruised cuz his sugar count jus went up again. i really do do hope he takes care of himself. my papa mama mei and i all helped to scrub his entire hse's floor. really tiring but rewarding. hehes. nxt time anybody needs a good scrub for his floor, u can employ me!!! [disclaimer: im NOT a maid nor an aunty hor. XP]

nxt week gonna be really really busy. haha. but i lurve being busy. yays! hahas. =p

u've changed. n i know i no longer understand you.

2005-12-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

today is a day of rotting at home. hahas! after a week's of activites, it's always nice to jus rot and pig out at home. bleahxx` (:

friday! my class's xmas party organised for daybreak childcare centre. it was a success!!! we kept cheering aft the party. haha. the kids received so so so many pressies lar. i think we spoilt them le. haha. the santa claus, joshua, was hilarious cuz he was literally being mobbed by the kids who kept pulling at him. his beard was dropping off and his pillow under the jacket nearly dropped off. he had to use a chair to protect himself. aiyoo. the kids there are really atrocious but very adorable. hehes. stm duno whether to scold or laugh at them. we had our own gift exchanging after the party was over. ee teng, jasper, yi zhen, pris and i all bought our gifts frm watson. hahas. in the end, i got jasper's and ee teng got mine. haha. i bought a mini xmas tree with lights and music. i didnt know wad to buy and i was rushing for time when i bought it. haha. i even told pple hope they dun get mine. poor ee teng. =/

thursday! ee teng, charles and i brought the kids on the last trip of the WOW! programme tat i signed up. we went to the police heritage centre. the place was super bigg!! and the security there is really tight. johnathan [forget how to spell... haha] was sick halfway the excursion around the exhibits so i brought him to a dance studio where the police were preparing the party. on the way, a cleaner mistook me as his mum! imagine!!! do i look tat old??? haha. so odd lar. a policeman tot i was still in sec sch and tat cleaner tot i was a mother already. haha. i think i seriously need some extreme makeover. anyways. the party orgainsed by the police force was so nice and fun. there were the making of the logcake compeitition, dressing up of santa clas competition and the deco of the xmas sock. i didnt know log cakes were tat easy to make. anybody who wans logcakes, pls order frm me kk. haha. the kids were overwhelmed with pressies. one girl had 5 or more animated shaped balloons in her hands. haha. i even helped myself with the goodies bags and balloon. haha. im still young right? haha. these kids are actually are children of families who faced problems and their parents are undergoing counselling at the daybreak family service centre. i'll miss most of them, esp those very obedient ones under my care. 2 malay girls taught me how to say pretty woman in malay. i found it so so hard to learn. haha. now i forget how to say le.

im going to bring the daybreak kids to fuji ice palace on monday. haha. yeahs` (: hopefully i can learn to skate which i seriously doubt so. haha. and and i finally learnt how to cycle le!!! i learnt it over at ubin. i took me abt half an hour over there but plus another 6 years or so to learn in spore. haha.

goshh. sch's going to reopen real soon. must really enjoy the rest of my hols. (:

2005-12-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

it's late now and i supposed to be slping cuz tml my mei and i need to go for checkup at kkh. i reallly hate tat place. all my bad memories theree. the place is filled with kids who are like really young. and i feel so out of place there. so embarrassing to be there in fact. hope it wld be my last time there tml.

for the past few days, my right eye was swollen. it didnt look swollen but i feel it was swollen. and it was as thou i was hit by sth. now it's slighty better le. kry and cass somemore mentioned i look better with my swollen eye cuz dun have yan dai. hahas.

after eating some dozen small chinese pills on sunday, i dun feel very well. my mum says it's some very ex pills. but it's making me sick!!! so i've been gulping down lots of water. hope i'll be fine b4 the xmas party on friday.

or maybe the gift is ke-ing me. hahas. cuz whenever i start doing it, i keep sneezing and my eye gets swollen. hahas. some random thoughts ba.

i hope my mum will be alright soon. cuz she has been feeling unwell for the past few days. den today the doc said her blood pressure is v high. really hope it's not hereditary. cuz my ah gong has high blood pressure. *prays hard*

2005-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

yesterday was our jc2 interact farewell party. not many pple turned up thou. there'll so much food leftover. wasted. reached home at 12 plus cuz i missed the last bus home so had to take taxi. i've been spending money nonstop. haha. my mei and i went running jus now. now super tired. haha. i've not been running for 2 weeks le. must get back the momentum or else i'll put on those kilos again. tml i'll be going to pulau ubin for another hike. hopefully i'll get to learn to cycle. haha. (:

dan ni xu yao yi ge li you lai zuo yi yang dong xi, jiu dai biao ni bu ai na ge ren le.

the holidays are goin to be over soon. arghh. i better work harder on my homework. =/

james & me [ he's so cute!!! but a lil looks like the boy in ju-on. =P ]

class gathering at marina bay (:

very nice!! genting's indoor theme park.

aft seating one of the rides twice!!! nice!!!

i got lots of photos to upload. but my comp really lagged. nxt time ba!

2005-12-05T05:13:00.000-08:00

really really long didnt update my blog le.
i'll update abt my genting trip soon. had lots of fun there. hehes! (:

today yet again, things werent tat smooth going. im really sick of getting scolded over things im nott really involved in. seems like im always so damn unlucky. i got really hurt again. haixx. i dun wish to talk abt it anymore. im never going to make a promise too fast again.

why issit always you who make me sad? arghhh!!!

2005-11-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

last night's gathering can be considered as a success bahs. (: 26 pple turned up. hehes. i thought it wld be lesser. anyway, the movie with kh was a flop cuz we cldnt find a time slot before 6pm. hai me run for nth. hahas. budden kh, sorry ahs. hai u so disappointed. so i waited for kry they all at dhoby ghat mrt b4 heading to marina square. due to some unforeseen circumstances, we had to rush to marina bay mrt and waited for 30 mins. like idiots. -___- anyway we had a pretty fun time there. but cindy and i kept getting hurt by the spurting butter frm the bbq patter. so irritating lor. hahas. so i didnt eat tat much. after dinner, some of us went to orchard to see the christmas lightup decorations. we walked till abt 11pm. it was my first time staying up at orchard till so late. hehs. (:

im so afraid tat those tears will fall again.
i shldnt care tat much.
hopefully my heart listens to wat im trying to do.
to forget abt u.
i shld hav known tat this may happen one day.
even if it may not be the truth,
i know it's simply impossible.
if u ever read this n know im refering to yu,
pls dont mention it to me
cuz im putting this behind me. (:
u deserve the best!

wells. i guess i wont be touching the computer till next sunday cuz tml i need to go buy some xmas stuffs at concourse. hope i dun get lost. hahas. tues wld be my jc class chalet at sentosa. i not sure if im staying for a night cuz on thurs i need to leave the hse at 6am. im going to genting with my relatives. 11 of us. yea! (: really hope my pa can join us, otherwise it wldnt be fun at all le. yupps. so i dun think im coming online for awhile. or maybe i'll jus use for a teenny teenny while. hehes.

i simply cant finish the gift. argghhs. maybe it's fated. wahahas. =/

2005-11-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

once again, i think i have hurt u again. i didnt intent to. it was not on purpose. whenever i meet u, i jus duno wat else to say. or maybe i wasnt feeling tat well. yet again, this's maybe jus my excuses. i really duno. other than feeling really bad abt it, i jus duno wat else to say. after doing such things to u, i really got no strength or courage to face u again. saying sorry may not be sufficient. maybe in the future, we shld not meet up anymore. in this way i can stop hurting u again. i really really hope u can find someone who will cherish u more. maybe u shud stop treating me so well and caring for me cuz i dun think i worth all that. im truly grateful for all u've done for me. maybe it's time for u to channel all this care and concern to someone who's more worthy. & i truly hope u'll be xin fu always.

2005-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

LONG TIME DIDNT TOUCH MY COMP LE! hahas. miss it so so much.

monday - i went on my first job @ the esplanade. the whole maths trail only lasted one and a half hours and i get paid $5o for tat. it's really good pay. (: the pple i met there all graduated from RJC. so imagine the pressure i was receiving then. hahas! but they are very gentlemanly, very different from wat i initially tot of RJC pple.

tues - CDP at school and went to do preparation for xmas party at daybreak. i think i've been too close with the kids there till im getting bullied by them. haha. there's this p3 boy called Johnethan who keeps claiming i taught him some dirty things where i didnt tell him anything lor. so bad right! but i like him. haha. cuz he's so adorable! =p another p1 boy called james is very guai, not as naughty as the rest. but still playful. b4 i left, i told him secretly i wan to take photo with him next time i come and he started blushing and walked away when i went closer towards him. hahas.

weds - the start of the ISPCAN Asian Regional Conference on Child Abuse and Neglect. i had to reach super early at suntec convention centre at 7.30am. the rest had to reach much earlier at abt 6 plus lor. hahas. so i was so lucky. anyway, i was super impressed by the quanlity and quantity of food they provided for us. we had 2 tea breaks and a lunch break each n every day. i ate quite a lot on this day. hahas! han ying, wei lin, audrey n me didnt hav much to do at the secretariat room cuz we had to leave most of the job to our seniors, shi jie. so most of the time, sad to say, we were slacking. hahas. felt kinda bad cuz we were being paid $5 each day and we didnt do anything helpful. most of time we jus helped to bring in food frm the buffet tables. it's look as though we were so greedy lor. hahas.

thurs - the day started off with the same stuffs. but funny thing was tat i lost my appetite completely. haha. didnt eat much too. anyway, in the morning at abt 11 plus, i went out of the room, feeling so bored and met with the guys, jasper ee teng and jia yang. so they started teaching me how to walk properly. hmmphhh. some pple think i walk v funnily. :( so im goin to learn how to walk in the right way! yupp. so under the guidance of the guys, i started to walk in a straight line in front of the mirror. hahas. so funny lar. cuz pple kept looking at me. so malu! =p wells. the walking lesson will continue. later we started talking to some pple from yishun FSC and decided to give us the tickets to the conference dinner tat wld be held later at night. a ticket actually costs $100! hahas. we were so so lucky! wei lin managed to get some tickets too. so we left earlier for home to change into some clothes. the guys bought some tshirts at a shop in suntec city. wei lin n i got lost finding the entrance to marina madarian hotel. i was sweating profusely and panicked cuz the guys told me the first dish was serving soon. but guess wad? when we reached the place, we found out tat the guys hadnt even reach the place n they got lost too. hahas! but anyway, we managed to be seated safely at the dinner which was superb! there was performances and one of which was by Hossan Leong. i didnt know he cld sing tat well. i was so memerised by his singing. (: and his jokes were really good! in short, i enjoyed myself at the dinner! it ended aft 10.30pm so my shi jie's finance sent me and jia yang home in his car. he got a lil lost so i reached home kinda late. i was so so so tired when i reached home tat i felt sick. but heng, im alright. (:

fri - the most exciting thing tat happened was tat i had to direct a woman who is a doctor from Bangladesh to the DBS bank at suntec city. being such a sotong, i cldnt exactly find the place and ended up walking to a different place. and anyway, she found the place by herself. im such a disgrace, right? hahas. anyway, when it's finally her turn to see the bank teller, she found out she didnt have her passport with her. so i accompanied to take a taxi back to her hotel and to her hotel room. my shi jies were actually very worried for me cuz it's actually very dangerous for me to accompany a complete stranger to a hotel room. but heng, im alright and the woman was really nice. so i accompanied her back to the bank and back to the conference. b4 we parted, the woman searched her handbag and swiftly fished out a pair of ear rings as a token of appreciation. haha! i was shocked! ermms, ear-rings ehs. hahas. it was an interesting journey with her. (: anyway, the conference ended at abt 1pm. i saw one of the shi jie cried and all of us starting hugging one another. it was really a GREAT success! a delegate frm India even came to thank the volunteers. haha! im really gonna miss them a lot cuz they treat us really really well. we're even allowed to bring home some free goodies. (: i'll be goin to miss the times i had at the conference, esp the pple i have met there. eg han ying, audrey, chen yin, geri, etc!

oya! i went to the World Cyber Games too. the hall is damn big! and the atmosphere was made so intense with the comentators. i met guan yan and yong kian too! (:

oki. im really tired now aft typing such a long long entry.

actually i really dreaded this day or rather this date. months b4, i thought i wld be depressed again and was planning to find pple to keep me company. but luckily, i was alright. things were better than i thought it wld be. the day wld be all over soon. the pain has been diminishing. there're days i still think abt him. but not as often as the past. he's slowly becoming jus a part of my sweet memories. now i finally understand wat it means by time will heal all wounds. so to those who have been hurt by ur loved ones, be strong and led a life afresh. (:

2005-11-13T05:18:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a really a bad day for me. the day started off with arguments and ended with scoldings. i dun wish to further elaborate wad happened. but i was really feeling super down yesterday. i must really thank my best senior! if u ever read this, yupp. thanks again for ur timely sms which made me feel much better.

last night was literally one of my worst nights of my life. tears and mucus were mixed with my rice and wat i was eating. sounds disgusting right? erms. well. im glad the nightmare was over.

on a happier note, i'll bring a grp of 20 kids on a Maths Trail at the Esplanade tml. it wld be my first job assignment. so hopefully everything goes smoothly. (: i need to wear sth really formal and mature cuz the guys in charge of the event say i look too young le. hahas. i think they scared the kids bully me. hehs. my mum asked me to wear her black office jacket de. no doubt i look more mature. but i look kinda weird too. hahas. wish me lucks for tml. (:

2005-11-11T23:37:00.000-08:00

im not going to bishan park le. some national parks person finally let me join kry n weilin at zhenghua park which is located at some ulu ulu place at chua chu kang. never been to tat place b4. anyway, i gonna take a cab frm esplanade tml. den my mum was worried tat the cab driver wld do sth funny and maybe drive me some other place. haha! typical mother. so i told my mum tat i'll sms her the cab's car plate number. so tat if anything goes wrong, she'll know who to hunt after for. haha!

anyway i got a job le! hahas! finally. one day 50 bucks. very good right? some more it's my favourite kind of job - working with children! hehs. (: yupp. all thanks to jerica for introducing me this job.

life's pretty fun now. super busy but fun n im very very happy. although there's still sometimes i do get pretty down, im much happier as compared as the past. (: hope the ones around me wld be happy too, esp my mei! (:

*memorieswilllastforever!

2005-11-10T23:17:00.000-08:00

wahh. this week super busy. i got time den update u guys but for now, i need to tell 4e3 peeps tat there'll be a class gathering either on the 19th, 25th or 26th nov. it wld be at marina bay. having steamboat. hope u guys have no problem. pls pls pls tell me when u all are free. if not, i'll hav a hard time. thanks ah! (:

if anybody is free on sat's afternoon, pls make a trip to bishan park, although i duno where it's located either. im gonna be alone, being separated with weilin n kry. guess i'll be pretty bored manning a booth. im going to do some CIP thingy abt clean n green week. i've no idea why i signed up in the first place. haha!

today hav been a tiring day with the kids again. update another time! (:

2005-11-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

ridz jus shared with me this joke. it's abt a guy who found a lamp with a genie.

so the genie said, "I shall grant you three wishes". so the guy said, "I wish to be rich beyond my dreams!" to which the genie replied...it shall be done! and within the blink of an eye had money and houses and cars before his eyes. then he wished to be successful at his career...then within seconds he got a call saying he got promoted to be the CEO of a large MNC. then he made his last wish.

"I wish to be irresistable to all girls!" then the genie smiled, snapped his fingers and turned him into a box of chocolates.

hahas! not a bad joke ehs. thanks to ridz! all the best to ur exams. (:

2005-11-05T15:37:00.000-08:00

jay's hei se mao yi very nice! yeaps! the lyrics also very meaningful. erms the song is very sentimental - my favourite! hahas.

these few days, the weather very weird. certain days the sun is extremely scorching, then on certain days, there's thunderstorms. i really think tat the end of the world is coming soon although i pray hard it wont happen in my generation. with the outbreak of bird flu and natural disasters, sometimes i cant help wondering how much time i would have left. of cuz i got a lot a lot things i have not done.

let me name a few here ba cuz who knows i may not accomplish these things. i wan to be a career woman, someone who earns big bucks and commands respect. till now, i still wan to get into the navy. erms. maybe tat dreams is a bit too far-fetched, so getting into the DSTA will do. but tat means i wont get to put on tat smart uniform. or another career i wan to do is to set up a childrens' home or anything to do with kids. after going to daybreak centre, i have realised my love and passion for kids. i jus love them too much. (: yupp. so if my first plan dun work out, i will just go into counselling so tat i can counsel or work with children.

apart from my future careers, i wan to travel to certain places. first of all, if possible i wan to see all the 7 or 8 wonders of the world. tat would be quite an impossible dream but yupp, i still wan to see some of them. second would be to go to new zealand cuz after seeing lord of the rings, im really fascinated by the vast areas of land they have there. i also wan to experience the simple countrylife there. & i wan to learn scuba-diving and see all the coral reefs at Australia.

after earning lots of money, i wan to buy a big house somewhere outside Singapore, somewhere quiet and peaceful for my loved ones, especially for my parents cuz i know it's my mum's life-long dream to live in a big, cosy house.

after retiring, i wan to do something meaningful. actually im quite a environmentalist. whenever i read articles abt global warming or any articles on how the Earth is dying, i get very upset and angry. tats quite weird right? yupp. so after retiring, i would set up a society or club to do sth impactful to save watever the Earth has left, provided im still healthy n have money n most imptly, provided the Earth is still around.

last but not least, i'll tell my loved ones how much i love and care abt them. my closest closest frens shud know tat i do tell them i love them. hahas. =Xx. but they always say im les. however, it's true ah. i do love them as my closest frens. (: they are still quite a number of people i haven tell tat i do cherish them. (:

* loveuguys!

2005-11-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

一件黑色毛衣
两个人的回忆
雨过之后
更难忘记
忘记我还爱你
你不用在意
流泪也只想刚好合意
我早已经待在谷底
我知道不能再留住你
也知道不能没有孤寂
感激你让我拥有缺点的美丽
看着那白色的蜻蜓
在空中忘了前进
还能不能重新编织
脑海中起毛球的记忆
再说我爱你
可能雨也不会停
黑色毛衣藏在那里
就让回忆永远停在那里

2005-10-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

i need to get those words out of my mouth or i will not be able to take it anymore. sorry mum for making you worry. i will not be like this again. or at least i will try.

2005-10-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

i got lots to update!

last sat's night, our pw grp stayed over at clarence's hse. we had lotsa fun. i think all of our pw mates will agree tat we can really click with one another. today at b4 our op rehearsal, clarence mentioned tat he dun dare look at our faces cuz he will start laughing. haha! tat shows how close we are bahs. anyway, we watched the movie, shutter till abt 4am. haha! very late right? the movie was not as scary as i thought. den aft tat, i suggested we watched home run. i rmb i watched tt movie like 3 times le. hahas. ee teng started criticsing the movie cuz we were so familiar with the story tat we had nth better to do. well, i fell aslp at 4 plus on clarence's bed. but was not in deep slp. i was like semi-conscious, felt so weird. i slpt till 10 plus. hahas. in all, i had lots of fun, considering it was my first time staying over. (:

anyway, b4 meeting my pw mates on sat, we met up with huiying. FINALLY! so great to see her. i had to rush off after lunch. so huiying n i left first. we were supposed to take a bus back to do pw. but instead, we decided to slack around. so ended up drinking bubble tea at the bus interchange. as a result, i lied to serkun abt meeting a fren who is kana cancer. im so bad lor. =x serkun tot i was telling the truth although i told him im joking. so sorry! felt so bad when i met them cuz they were so concerned abt me. they tot i cried on the hp. haha! anyway, i talked for quite a long time with huiying. (:

today is the last day of school le. haha! so happy. (: tat means NO MORE LESSONS for the rest of the year. yeahs!!! hahas. this week was a very busy one for me. have been coming back home aft 6pm or 8pm. pw rehearsals have been quite successful except today. i think i did very badly today, esp my Q & A. i jus cldnt understand wat ms ng was asking abt. i was quite irritated over her starting pw so late today lor. we supposed to start at 1.30pm. instead we waited till 3pm for her to arrive. maybe it's not her fault but jus felt so irritated. as a result, i cldnt have tuition with val today. i wanted to talk to her abt lots of stuffs. guess hav to wait till next week le.

well. tml im going for a briefing for a 3 day regional conference. im going to volunteer then at suntec conference centre. (: so fun!

gd luck for all those taking MT on monday. (:

2005-10-23T02:31:00.000-07:00

quite long never update le. hehes. anyway, guess where i am now?? im now at clarence's hse. typing this entry in clarence's room. hehes. dun think wai wai. im doing my project work. our project group super on right? burning midnight oil jus to complete our preparation for oral presentation. (:

they super fun n funny lar. keep making me laugh. but now i already quite tired le. jus now tat clarence scare me by telling me tat there's a ghost in his house. tell a super long story. i really tot it's real lar. den started taking out my guai ying card n lucky hongbao, hug a bolster n went out the room to find ah koon. i was drinking milo when someone shouted in my ear frm behind. i was super shocked lar. spilt some milo. LOL. den realise clarence was playing a joke on me. so bad right? hahas.

now, we going to watch a ghost movie, the shutter le. hope i dun be too scared. hahas. i think i will lar. got lots to update le. cuz i met huiying today!!! yeah. nxt time den update bah.

good nites! (:

2005-10-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

results were out on monday. ermms. quite disappointed for almost every subj bahs. only subj i improved tremendously is maths. (: i have gotten over the trauma of receiving back my results. sucks big time lar. but still, it's over le. jus glad i can promote. (:

anyways. these few day i have been busy. was super tired today. cant stay awake in all the lectures. have been bogged down by so many fan dao. i duno if im thinking too much or there are too many issues yet to be settled. seems like there are new probs every day n i cant seem to solve them.

one day, i will not be able to take it le. i will jus scream back at u. jus dun let me do tat. i dun wish to lose my temper. haii.

n i hope i dun fall too deep. plsss. dun let me fall too deep into it.

im super tired. very very tired. i miss my bed. n my bed misses me too! (:

2005-10-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

im very exhausted now. my body is on the verge of a breakdown. i duno why i feel so tired. maybe it's all the worrying of exams n my cca tat are affecting me. i feel so tired tat i dun feel like talking to anybody right now.

today went to the lions befriender home at ang mo kio n played bowling with the old folks. it was fun but tiring too. we have to keep bending down to pick up the pins. imagine i was sweating in an air-conditioned room. hahas. den i went back sch to print some interact photos. the stupid idiotic comp in the library made me n zy waited for more than half an hour to print 2 photos. heng my level of tolerance quite high or else i wld duno do wat to the comp. hahas.

sorry guys. i wun be joining u all tml at east coast. although i wld wan to play hard b4 the dooms day on monday, i think i need some rest n time for myself.

2005-10-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

it's the first time in months tat i cried so much. till now, my eyes still hurt. i didnt wan to cry de. i told myself no matter wad, i cant cry in front of my classmates. but still, i cldnt contain my disappointment. i didnt wan to get an E for chem. i was praying so hard tat i wld get more than an E, although i knew i wld do badly. i jus didnt understand why even thou i studied so hard, i still cant do score better. i dropped a subject, hoping i can concentrate n do better in my other subjects. but instead i did worse. haii. so utterly disappointed in myself.

i ran so hard. i pushed myself to my limits. but i fell. hard on my face. i cried. i lost. but still, i will get up on my feet. i will still complete my run.

i will be alright. i wont commit suicide over such sucky resuls. it's just not worth it. thanks to those who consoled n kai dao me. those words u guys said were so impt to me. i will clear up my doubts during the hols. i willl work hard. (:

these few days quite busy with pw, open hse n tuition. next week gonna get worse. arhhhhhh. every day is packed with activites. i need a breather!!!

n i misplaced a DVD given by a teacher. i need it by tml n i still cant find it. im like super down in luck these few days. =(

2005-10-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

100th entry!!!

this is my 100th entry of my blogging. hahas. i rmb i only started blogging under the influence of my class n all my frens were addicted to blogs.

anyway. today got back our mother tongue paper. we were supposed to get back our results on monday. so was quite shocked tat we were receiving back our MT papers. it was worse than my midyear. but heng after adding a few marks, i managed to pass. heng my midyear grades help pull up my results. but still kinda disappointed bahs cuz i know my other subjs gone case le.

tml will be getting back chemistry paper. heard tat everybody passed with at least an E grade. im super happie tat everybdy passed. but hope i can at least get an A level pass bahs.

i will be going for to genting during dec hols. :) first time going with my relatives n ah gong. haha! so im really looking forward to the trip.

today is weds. 2 more days n the j2s wont be around. hope all my seniors can enjoy ur last 2 days in aj bahs. (:

2005-10-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

i guess im jus very disappointed in this person. very very disappointed. i duno how to tell u. i jus dun dare.

anyways. i've been thinking a lot these few days again. it's always after the exams when i have so much time to think.

well, i dun wan to hurt u again. tats why im afraid to see u. i always think more than twice whenever i msg u. i dun wan to get myself hurt too. maybe im selfish. im really sorry. it's jus hard for me to fully trust anybody again anymore. i have been down too long n i finally got back up again. i dun wish to fall n get hurt again. n i have hurt u more than once already. i dun wish to give u false hopes again n again. when i prepared enough, i will then see u bahs. im really really sorry.

24/05 peeps, all the best for ur last paper tml. YOU CAN DO IT! hope to see u guys tml. (:

2005-10-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

PROMOS ARE OVER!

im kinda lagged. cuz actually exams are over yesterday. there's only one word to describe the exams - sucky- damn- atrocious. i was not even happie tat the exams are over cuz im already dreading the day when we get back those results. arghs. maths was not as bad as my mid-year but i still left some blanks. chemistry was bad. left duno how many blanks. there was not enough time to finish the paper. i even forgot the some ionic equilibrium equations. so idiotic lar. was cursing to myself when i tried to force to remember those equations. physics was really really really bad. simply atrocious. aft chemisty i was praying that my physics wld help me but i guess i will not. i had time for physics. i jus cant do. either the questions are too difficult or my mind was not functioning properly. i cant even take distance divide by speed lar. so idiotic rite? maybe i shud go back to secondary school. hahas. very disappointed with myself bahs. study so hard still end up liddat. it's my first time i studied so hard. so hard tat all my pimples keep popping all over my face. =x

but still it's all over. (: okays. life still goes on. now got so much time on my hands. hahas. went out with sharon kry n mei last night. had great time at kbox again. i think my frens think im les. hahas. cuz i keep going crazy. hahas. but sharon krystal, dun worry im perfectly straight kaes. all my jokes are jus jokes. whenever im with u all, i jus go crazy lar. i duno why too. tats why i feel so comfortable with u. cuz only u all can tolerate my crazy nonsense. hahas.

today, i went to cut hair with my ma n mei. cut till quite short bah. hahas. n i found out tat dove shampoo is not tat good afterall. cuz my hairstylist told me tat the shampoo will make ur scalp very oily den ur hair will start dropping. tat explains why my hair keeps dropping tat im so afraid i will go bald. hahas. so she convinced my ma to buy L' Oreal shampoo. ya. but this differs case by case ba. hope i dun kana sued by dove or sth. hahas.

wells. now i got lots of CIP activities line up. hahas. i like doing such things. n meeting new pple too. hopefully i can find a job too bahs. (:

btw. channel U 7.30pm - wang zi bian qing wai is superb. very nice. pls watch tat. so cute n funny. i love junhao. =x

2005-09-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

15 more days to promos.

okays. im all set to work doubly hard for the exams. my exams last only for 4 days. 4 days and it will be OVER. must hangg in there. (: got lots to say. but nvm. better keep them to myself bahs. hahas.

i suddenly miss my interact seniors. they are great bunch of pple. truely miss them. gonna miss them more when they graduate. guess the only time i can get to see all of them is after their A lvls. must jia you jia you. =D

anyway. i got a nightmare abt a week ago. i dreamt abt an old man who told me tat i will have a tough life ahead. the frightening part is tat he told me i would die due to depression or suicide. so freaking scary lar. hahas. maybe im too stressed bahs. but i rly hope i wun commit suicide. =/

everybody lets work hard for promos k. wo men xing de. yeah! :)

2005-09-10T00:27:00.000-07:00

KELLY CLARKSON - Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

yeshh. because of u, i've grown afraid in lots of things. lost faith in many other things too.
but because of u, i've become stronger n stronger.
but because of u, i've grown up.
but because of u, i realised i hav fabulous frens around me.
n because of u, i will starting loving myself more n those who stood by me all this while. (:

2005-09-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

i feel we are drifting too too far apart le. too far till somehow i feel i duno u anymore. do u feel the same way too? im waiting n waiting for ur mails which never come. u keep saying u wld reply me. but still, u didnt. im kinda disappointed. or upset in fact. im sick of waiting n waiting endlessly. i feel im not impt to u at all le. all i can say im jus very disappointed n hurt. i jus feel u not making the effort? yahh. maybe im wrong. hope u can tell me im wrong too. maybe u wont read all this. i jus hope one day u will chance upon this mail n know im writing this to u. cuz im too afraid to email u again. afraid u will get angry n all. hope we still can salvage back this frenship of ours. i really do. hope u understand how i feel n not get upset if u do read this.

2005-09-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

i got LOTS to update. haha.

yesterday weilin n i went to daybreak centre to help out with the kids. went there at 9am n found out they were at yishun stadium. so we joined them there. chased them around. honestly i was already exhausted after only after 1 hour. haha! followed them to a playgrd n continue playing with them. i was very tired le. but still hanged in there. we went back to the centre where they had a bathe. throughout the whole period, kid after kid kept pestering us to play some finger game with them. called duno wat "baby" n "mr fool" game. haha. cant imagine how they manage to keep their energy so high.

after a very nice lunch, they started to practising their dance for a compeition this fri. it was a competition against the sexes where they have to choregraph all the dance steps themselves. the girls' dance was v nice. i was impressed. but the guys were like fooling around? hahas. but v funny too. during this period, some kids were still pestering us to play the same games after n after again. omg. we were so drained. =x

after an hour or so it was finally naptime. AT LAST PEACE! i cant tell u how glad i was to have an hour n half of quietness. we were so exhausted tat we fell aslp too. haha. after we woke up, they did some work n had their tea break. i nearly broke into a fit cuz a kid didnt wan to concentrate on his work. jus did 3 questions aft an hour. argh. i simply ren. haha.

it was already abt 5 plus when all the kids went to watch a cartoon movie, leaving weilin n i with the same 2 kids, playing the same finger games. we were SO SIAN playing the same games, goodness duno how many times. haha. i was on the hp, when i found out that jessie, person-in-charge of daybreak, had 2 free tickets to Quidam, the circus.

we were sooo excited. haha. but the show starts at 7.30pm. n at tat time, it was already near to 6pm. so i quickly took a cab home n left home at 6.30pm. so efficient ehs? haha! i reached bugis n waited for weilin. we were late le. so we run like crazy. got lost for awhile b4 finding the place.

the show was SUPERB. no words can describe the spectacular moment under the big blue-yellow tent. all those human aerobics, skippings, comedies, etc etc were so entralling. there was a headless man too. haha! 4 men stood on shoulder on shoulder in secs. the live band n singing was so great. the place is quite small so we were quite close up to the stage. not like in the esplanade. during the interval, weilin n i went to try on some joker hats. haha. so funnie.

i had SO much fun during the whole experience. must really thank jessie. n weilin too! heng nv leave the place earlier.

anyway. i went home frm bugis alone. first time going home so late by myself. haha. den i got lost again! haha. blur me. i supposed to get off at outram park. i got off the train, thinking i hav reached the station. i started finding the northeast line platform. i was finding for like 5 mins. when i suddenly realised i was at tanjong pagar station. i was freaking out cus i had no idea where i was. it was so late already. but still, i got home safely. haha.

those who hav patiently read all i hav written thankss ehs. haha. v long entry. i hav not done much revision yet. so im v worried now. im like out of home everyday except tues. arghs. hols ending soon le. stresseddddd!!! better do my work now.

but still. i hav a great hols.
tata~ (:

2005-09-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

YAYS! yesterday finally met up with sharon with krystal n mei. didnt managed to meet huiying though. we had lotsasa fun. hahas. shop around at bugis area den headed to marina square. there were nobdy around de. so weird. wells. at bugis, we took neoprints again. haha! we kept laughing at our funny poses tat most of the photos turned out to be v weird. haha! i cant stand looking at myself in those photos. at marina sq we duno wat else to do. so we decided go kbox. the place is so new not like the one at cine. service n everything so lousy. but the kbox at marina sq was superb! sharon n i were exceptionally high. hahas. we got some weird stares by others. but i cldnt care less. stayed till the sme1 came to 'chase' us out.

yupp. didnt had dinner last night. but i had so much fun last night. it has been a lonng time since i had fun with my clique. i rmb whenever im with them, i was so troubled. but now it's different le. haha! cuz im a NEW pam. yay!

gotta do some work now. happie hols everyone~ (:

2005-09-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

im slowly recovering frm the sunburnt le. now it's getting itchy n painful. a 'wonderful' combination rite? haha. anyway. tml im gonna meet my ger gang le. yay! going to shop too. hopefully i'll be able to buy the nike shoes. cant wait to see all of them tml.

maybe some of u wld know tat my ah gong is not in gd health recently. a few weeks ago, it has been found tat he needs to be put on kidney dialysis. he will not recover anymore but get worse slowly. in other words, he will leave us soon. my ma told me he isnt scared of dying. but my ma is already dead worried for him. wad wld happen if he rly does leave us? he doesnt wan to go for the dialysis as it's very expensive n he doesnt wan to drag on. if he eats properly, he can live for another 6 years. if not, jus 1 more mth.

can u imagine the difference? one month! although i cant rly communicate with him, i jus dun wish to lose him as my ah gong. he's the only grandpa left. i dun hav any other zhang bei to look up to le. i hope i wont regret like the time my grandma passed away. i hope to cherish him more. n maybe one day, i will tell him i love him.

2005-09-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

ahhhh!!! my body hurts like hell. hahas. i kana sunburnt at sentosa yesterday. didnt realise tat i wld be so affected by the scorching sun. it was really really hot yesterday. anyway. went to school like a red lobster. more than 5 of us in the class were also sunburnt. quite funnie. hahas. but it was really damn painful. i heard it wld last like a week? arghs. duno how to tahan during this period of time. i didnt even dare to look at my own body lar. cuz it's like so scary. haha!

anyways. thanks WO REN for helpin me carry my school bag. was really touched by it. (:

2005-09-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

im tired. my legs are aching frm all the walking today.

today has been a long long day. almost all ajcians frm xms went back tog. well. glad to see tat most of 4e3 peeps made it back. (: i felt sad back in xms cuz mr choo is leaving the place. for the first time i saw him teared. i cld see him struggling to keep back his tears but he voice suddenly broke. i felt sad for him. a few of us cried too. our emotions jus got the better of us. we helped to pack his pressies n carried them to his car. b4 he left in his car, we all stood in 2 rows at attention. weijie they all started to shout some commands n we saluted to him. although it was hilarious, but tears welled up in my eyes. i will miss him. (:

after tat, me mei n kry went to town to shop! okay. my legs now hurt. hahas! nxt week we must buck up le kaes. haha. met glenn in the mrt while on the way home. had a good chat with him too. (:

although stm i may say i dun wan to see our class peeps due to some reasons, i still love all of them. i really do. i somehow feel belonged to them. a feeling i guess i will never experience again. we will meet up soon. i promise.

im so tired tat i duno if im able to wake up in time tml to meet my jc peeps at harbourfront. i hafta wake up like at 7 plus. *groans* hope the past wont haunt me. haha.

2005-08-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

im so BLOODY PISSED!!! arghs! duno wad u guys wan lar.

pple hav their limits. u can joke n fool around. but pls jus noe ur limits. stm im really angry. can u see it? maybe u dun. mayb im jus over-reacting. stm i get really hurt. i jus duno why u treat me in this way. is this going to last for 2 years? haixxx.

guess im jus really down today. im so tired of everything. feel like jus throwing everything behind me. feel like jus stopping of going on with this kind of life. feel like jus starting over my life afresh. feel jus like crying out loud.

hate it all.

2005-08-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

Inside Your Heaven Carrie Underwood

I've been down, now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation comin' around
This is right, it's so amazing
Everytime I see you, I'm alive
You're all I've got, you lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you're breathing in of soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars line up, the wrong becomes undone
Naturally my soul surrenders, the sun and moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains form I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you're breathing in of soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

this lyrics is meaningful ehs. (:

i got LOTS to update.

Friday - after school, jerica n i decided to go town to study. she didnt tell me that she asked ridz along. hahas! wad a pleasant surprise. we went to dome to drink coffee again. thanks for the treat again. feel so bad. always hav to treat us. anyways. he left at ard 6. den we went to makan at long john's where we saw sme1. it was quite shocking to me. so qiao lar.

Saturday - me. weilin. melissa. anita. ee teng. zhi yan plan to meet at admirialty mrt station at 8.15am. ee teng was super late so we were rushing to woodlands ring sec. den when we walked into the sch, the teacher-in-charge called me so i told him we were at the canteen. den he said, "wad canteen??" i realised he wasnt meeting us in his sch but at PASIR RIS PARK. i was super super shocked lar. we were woodlands n they are at pasir ris. hahas! no choice had to take cab down. heng he was willing to pay for us. it was not my fault lar. i rly had no clue abt meeting at the park itself. hahas! the whole experience at the mangrove is refreshing. first time mah. other than the sticky mud, i think it's okay lar. not much insects around. hope we hav a good time on sept 10.

anyways. huiying came to my hse for a short while cuz she kana locked out of hse. haha! i was slping when she called. heng i felt the vibration. yupP. great talkin to her. (: at night, i went with my family to causeway point. wanted to change my hp there. but found out forget to bring student pass. arghss! so angry with myself.

it's super late now. 2.36am. haha! i jus finished typing my EOM. yays! sorta anyhow write de. i better go slp now. im starting to hear some sounds. =/

i felt weird today. an undescribeable feeling. hmm. slp dreams everyone. ((:

2005-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

he looks sad. duno if he's okie. seriously hope he's alright. (:

hmm. i think i these few days got serious PMS. hahas! some time i get so irritated over the slightest n stupidest thing. some times i get so happiie. sorry to unlucky ones whom i get irritated with ahs. (esp to my mei! sorry!) actually nowadays i get irritated over a lot of things. but i REN. stm im smiling happily but in actual fact, im not too happiie. this will only last a period of time. hahas.

im talking to sharon now. oh man. i miss her damn much. was hopiing to see her real soon. but guess we can only meet her during sept hols. RON, take care of urself ehs. rmb i will help u curse them for u. how can they bully u! hahas! hav fun in malaysia ehs. (:

CASS! i MISS U TOO! hope to see u nxt week ehs. hahas.

i planned to slp once i got home de. but now seems like i cant again. hahas. bussy chatting away again! hmm. tml going to study with jerica! koon ah. hope u join us k? :)

2005-08-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

hey krysie! i read ur blog. hmm. duno if u still feeling down. but jus wana let u know tat unlucky things sure bound to happen in our lives de. rem the time when im super duper unlucky too? ya. it all depends on how we look at it. i know it's difficult to be happiie when things arent the way u wan them to be. but we jus hav to make the best out of things k. jus like wad u told me the other time. ming tian hui geng hao de. hopefully u will be back to ur old self tml at cca. take care ya. cheers! :))

today was our pw oral presentation. hmm. i was so scared. hahas. but so glad it is all over. anyways. ser kun, i duno if u still feeling down anot. on sat, u dun look like ur usual self too. must cheer up k. mayb u're jus feeling tired by those late nites. must take care of urself. once again, u ARE a great leader. =D

hmm. wana type some more de. but thinkin tat only left 42 (i think) days to promos, i better buck up n stop using comp le. arghhs! so addicted to it.

this sat still haf to go to recce the sungei loyang with some innova jc students for a mangrove swamp cleanup in sept hols. i tot i fully utilise my weekend. but now seems like i cant le. but hope it wld be fun ba. hahas.

take care everyone :) [n huiying, if u still feeling down, cheer up too kaes.]

2005-08-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

yuPs. i quite some time nv update le. anyways. rmb the chinese compo i wrote abt? the one abt zheng za? yupps. my teacher read it out in class. OMG! it was so gan gai. but nvm. it was over. the story has ended long ago. hahas. :)

oyah! the school doesnt allow interact club to set up a stall to sell slippers imported frm japan. so ANGRY lor. made me made some nus pple waited so long for a negative answer. it wld be so fun to sell slippers lor. but the sch doesnt allow us. haixx.

weds will be my student's eng oral. valeriie, must JIA YOU k. jus put in ur best effort. u can do it de. dun be afraid. BEST OF LUCK! :)) tml is ur bday too. so wish ya happiie birthday. dun be too stress up for o lvls ehs. it will be over soon. hope u hav real fun tml :)

did u guys see my photos in the front page?? if there's no picture of u, dun fret ya? i will try to change them regularly. i still hav lotsa pictures with me.

gotta prepare for my pw oral presentation tml. take care all! =P

2005-08-13T01:18:00.000-07:00

i changed new blog skin le. this one nicer?? hahas. i love those 2 characters. soo sweet. :) but u guys, dun misunderstand k. im NOT in any r/s.

anyways. weekend finally here le. yays! today after school jerica n i went to town. again! hahas. i drank bubble tea @ heeren again. koon, dun scold me ahs. hahas! yupps. shop around b4 going home.

jerica ahs. although i duno wad happen to u, but hope u're alright le kaes. move on & lead the life tat u wan to live =D

im gonna put all my photos heree real soon. using paint software. keep out a lookout for tat k ppl. LOL.

im a good mood today :))

2005-08-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday

after the national celebrations in sch,
we met up with huiying.
it's really been a longg time since we met.
hmm. glad we met up.
we may have drifted apart.
but we're still great frens. :)
went home quite early.
duno why felt so shagged after goin to j8.
maybe was the crowd bahs.

today - National Day

i spent the whole of National Day doing pw.
hahas. kinda pathetic ehs.
but im glad we managed to finish our wr.
i asked ser kun to ask the rest to wear red n white.
in the end, only clarence n him wore red. =x
hahas. i wore pink. subset of red ba. hahas.
although it was kinda sad spending such a holiday doing pw,
i didnt mind at all.
cuz i love u guys' company.
ur lame jokes really make me happier.
we took photos with my monkie carrying the national flag.
hahas.
reached home at abt 8pm to catch the finale parade.

anyways, i was talkin to chin hao on sat night.
this was the conversation:
Disappointment. says:
yeah...
Disappointment. says:
he lost summore dat loves him..
Disappointment. says:
but u onli lost summore dat dun treasure u...
Disappointment. says:
so he stil lose out
Disappointment. says:
haha

hmms. quite meaningful ritee?
hahas. thanks for kai-ing dao me hor.
chin hao, u must be happiee too kaes.
zhu fu ni. :)

argh! the gp essay driving me nuts.
i have been stuck to my comp for hours
n found out i wrote wrongly le.
heng, kuan yan told me how to write le.
thanks ah.
tml morning still gotta give tuition.
duno if i can wake up anot.
hahas.

anyways. school reopening soon le.
hope everything will be okay.
=D

2005-08-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

im soo damn tired larr.
head hurting like crazyy.
eyes closing any minute soon.
im still stuck to the laptop.
trying to finish my pw stuffs.
duno wad im doing lorr.
weird weird de.
arghhhhs.
complete waste of time lahhs.
my msn making me so pissed off now.
keep logging off by itself every 5 mins or so.
damnnn.
so frustrating lahh.

guess im jus in a badd mood.
=/

2005-08-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

im still sickk.
arghhs.
the tutpid fever still haven subside yet.
plus got this v bad flu.
so jialat tat i hav no choice but to use toilet paper.
so pai sei mann.
even mdm ong said i waste paper.
hahas!

today went to kovan's mac to do homewrk.
b4 tat i pei jerica to collect her specs.
i found out the contact lens there was only
$180 for permanent w agtimanism (duno correct anot)
compared w $300 tat i was offered in hougang.
so cheap lorr.
hahas!

anyways.
i got a REAL shock today.
my nightmare really came true after all.
nearly died of shock. =x
hopee everything is alright le.
:)

2005-07-29T00:48:00.000-07:00

Evanescence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you'd scream I fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face, it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All of the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you'd scream I fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you'd scream I fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

im sickks.
finally.
stupid fever jus wldnt go away.
keep haunting me. =/
i wan to eat kfc de.
the cravings have started again.
hahas.

today went to town again with krystal.
kinda sick of tat place le.
but friday is a nicee time to window shop.
cuz not many pple de.
as usual, we talk lotsa stuffs.
but this time, i was a listener. =)
hahas.
too sickly to talk.
sorrie krystal.

anyways.
jus found out some truths.
no doubt i am sad.
but not to the extent of being heartbroken.
disappointed i guess.
on the train to somerset,
the tears were abt to spill over.
i was on the verge of breaking down.

but i didnt :)
it's alright.
i will still be a happiee girl.
i will be fine.

wo hui yong yuan zhu fu ni men de.

time really passes very fast.
now already near to august le.
promos will be coming soon.
arghhs.

anyways. take care everybody.
dun fall sick. =D

2005-07-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

REACH

When the world, leaves you feeling blue
You can count on me, I will be there for you
When it seems, all you hopes and dreams
Are a million miles away, I will re-assure you
We've got to all stick together
Good friends, there for each other
Never ever forget that
I've got you and you've got me, so

Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true

There's a place waiting just for you
Is a special place where your dreams all come true
Fly away swim, the ocean sea
Drive that open road, leave the past behind you
Don't stop gotta keep moving
Your hopes have gotta keep building
Never ever forget that
I've got you and you've got me, so

Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true

Don't believe in all that you've been told
The sky's the limit you can reach your goal
No-one knows just what the future holds
There ain't nothing you can't be
There's a whole world at your feet
I said reach

Climb every mountain (reach)
Reach for the moon (reach)
Follow that rainbow
And your dreams will all come true

Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher [fade to finish]

INSTALLATION CEREMONY 2005

at last the day was finally heree.
i think the place was nicely decorated.
hehs. thanks to all who helped. :)
yups.
in short, i think it's a GREAAT success.

the song - Reach was the perfomance put up by the j1s.
i think we will more like laughing than singing lorr.
more like a comedy for the audience.
our actions were so kiddy.
shi min was so feng.
hahas!
duno wat happend to her on friday. =/
den during our excos perfomance
i had mental block
cldnt recall wadd i supposed to say.
sia suay.
LOL.

anyways. i kept laughing when chin hao was placing
the badge on my blazer.
i jus cldnt control myself.
when i see tat plastic bag tat contain the gift,
i jus cant stop laughing.
hahas!
better dun laugh at him le.
=x

after the whole thing ended,
melissa n i with the j2 excos went to orchard.
n took neoprints again.
suyee loves taking them. haha!
den we went to this cinema lounge at cine lvl 6 or 7.
tat place is so cool lorr.
first class setting.
u will tat small cosy place.
but a drink cost 4 bucks. haha!

anyways. i have fun today.
i would really miss those j2s.
u all must not forget us hor :)

2005-07-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

i feel i no longer know u.
as time passes,
a barrier seems to be forming between us.
i jus wishing things jus dun get any worse.
im jus still waiting.
i will do watever it takes to make things normal but hopefully
u will do something abt it too.

i hope i am still a somebody to u.
n u have not forgotten about this me.

hmms.
i have decided to drop econs le.
although still quite she bu de cuz of ms ng
n my econs grp, i think i still have to drop it sooner or later
cuz i really cant cope with 4 subjects now.
the stress is building up.
i cant hang on much longer.
feel tat i will break down sooner or later.
=/

2005-07-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

i have finally moved on.

i have come to realisation tat i no longer miss him as much i did in the past.
maybe the wounds have healed.
the pain has subsided.
i no longer cry cuz of him anymore.
i have grown up. =D

zheng za.
this is the chinese compo title i did today.
suddenly i recalled of those hard times i had with him in the past.
it was so so tough.
recalling the past was painful.
i didnt wan to.

i rmb the times when i cried so hard
or when my heart hurts so much
when things werent wat i wanted for us.
although i gave up a couple of times,
i still held up till this last moment.
he chose to give up.
till now, i still dun understand.
or maybe i do.
but i jus dun wan to accept his reason.

the months tat followed were so very painful.
hurtful.
i as though wanted to end my life.
such foolish tots.
until a few weeks ago, i was still holding on.
but i have woken up.
it IS time to wake up.

it's never ever possible.

u are outta of my lifee.
i dun wan to see u again.
i dun wan to talk to u again.
i dun wan to sms u again.

i really realised tat lovee is all superficial.
we dun need it at all.
all we really need is frens n family.
they are all i need.
they are the ones i can depend on.

im on the next chapter of my life.
:)

im thinking of dropping econs le. =x
jus wana concentrate on the rest of the subjects.
i wan to score well in them.
im still considering if i shld dropp.

2005-07-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

i found this article quite interesting :)

A group of professional people posed this questionto a groupof 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn'tbend overand paint her toenails anymore. So mygrandfather does it for herall the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.That's love."Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boyputs onshaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most ofyour French fries without making them give youany of theirs."Chrissy -age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for mydaddy and she takesa sip before giving it to him, to make sure the tasteis OK."Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas ifyou stopopening presents and listen."Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should startwitha friend who you hate,"Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka'son this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, thenhewears it everyday."Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old manwho arestill friends even after they know each other sowell."Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and Iwas scared.I looked at all the people watching me and saw mydaddy waving andsmiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn'tscaredanymore."Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . Youdon't see anyoneelse kissing me to sleep at night."Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best pieceof chicken."Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly andsweaty and stillsays he is handsomer than Robert Redford."Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even afteryou lefthim alone all day."Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because shegives me all herold clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. Peopleforget."Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer LeoBuscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.The winner was a four year old child whose nextdoor neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

2005-07-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

the netball match was cancelled today
cuz of the heavy downpour.
very sao xin lorr.
cuz we were like all ready to play well.
most imptly, shuwen can make it.
but now since it's postponed to weds,
she cant make it le.
*cries*
anyways. im really touched by wad minyuan did.
she glued small cute rubbers onto icecream sticks
n decorated it n gave it to those in the netball competition.
so touched lorr.
everybody is so busy with sch work
n she still makes time to do those gifts.
THANK YOU. =D

anyways after tat, we went to free access room to slack
n went to ps for dinner.
at last i finally cld eat kfc le.
yays!
hahas. have been craving for it since thurs.
den we went shop shop around.
i have set my eyes on this pair of shoes.
soo nicee.
im gonna save my earnings frm tuition n buy them asap
hahas!

ohh ya.
im happie tat i passed my gp.
hahas!!
i think the teacher marked quite leniently lehs.

anyways this week really v tired.
hav been reaching home after 6.30pm.
struggling to keep awake during lectures.
so damn xin ku lor.

nxt week going to be worse.
with the installation ceremony nxt sat n all those hmwk,
i think i will almost die frm exhaustion man.
hahas!

2005-07-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

woots.
i was back very early today.
hehs.
i think this wld be the last time i will be back so early.
anyway got back all the results except gp paper.
not at all happie for it.
except for chinese.
dun really feel tat sadd lar
cuz i know i wldnt do well at all as i didnt really study during the hols.

im going to study real hard for my promos le.
i wun stone so much n go out too often.
im forming a study grp n we will MUG hard for the next 12 weeks.
:)
i shld hav stayed back in sch to finish all my hmwk.
hahas.
*regrets*
now i dun think i can finish them at home.
hehs.

time to have a really short nap. =p